Once a mining town as it’s name suggests!

After the pits all closed Coalville became a ghost town with many boarded up shops this started to change in the early 90’s when the Belvoir shopping centre started to attract some big shops (Dixons, Currys, Boots etc) and the town looked like it would come out of the depressive reccession it had been in for decades….

These days Coalville boasts a Wetherspoons and Litten Tree opposite each other so ***** can enjoy the “all-day-happy-hour” while I’m at work. The bonus is that they can get on a “Fox Cub” and for 20p can get up to the DHSS to sign on with little effort. Another 20p sees them back at the discount-pub of their choice within 10 minutes! An alternative to the fox Cub is to use their **** sisters Mountain Bike (stolen last year) – you always see Male ***** on a bike that is too small for them and has no cross bar. Why? As they peddle along the bike always squeeks.

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Coalville is now at an epidemic level of ***** – even SuperCigs has closed down because cheap eastern European cigarettes (made with cat poo and arsenic…. but cheap!) has flooded the Estates of Agar Nook and Greenhill…. Imagine that, a Chavshop has been forced out of business because of Chavantics!! The biggest supermarket is a Morrissons. Don’t try parking as the ***** have already abandoned their Sierras and Granadas in the Disabled spaces – of which there are hundreds. The reason for such a high ammount of disabled parking spaces can be equated to the ammount of **** benefit frauders who are claiming disability benefits. What the ***** don’t realise is that there are an equal ammount of “Parent and Child” parking spaces that they could use without putting themselves at risk of being investigated! After all is that not why they had a baby **** for? To claim free school dinners and milk and any other benefits they could sponge merely for reproducing?

Avoid the Clock Tower area of Coalville as this is where the ***** congregate. The reason they have chosen this site is possibly as it is within easy access of Fox Cubs to **** Estates, is opposite a very nasty Chippy, is not particularly weel lit, has a small pedestrianised area for displaying Chavantics on skateboards and stolen bikes, and has some rat runs for the ***** to skulk into to exchange lovebites!! Bitter irony is that the Police station is in sight of this **** meeting place!

All other **** evidence can be found in Coalville… but luckily they haven’t managed the 5 mile exodus down the A511 to Ashby de la Zouchm (it may be because most of our townsfolk have tarmac driveways or block paving already)?

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nestling south of the beautiful National Forest and in an increasingly affluent district, Coalville stands out like a sore thumb!!

not quite to the standard of local giants Loughborough or Leicester it still comprises copius amounts of evil chavsters.

Marlborough Square tends to be the meeting point for the immobile crews while various car parks host the ones with wheels. this latter point is emphasised when Morrisons car park is raided by 100s of souped up wagons as a ‘cruise’ arrives in town with ****** numbers increasing ten fold. fortunately the management has seen fit to install gates to ward off these invading **** so the rest of us can actually get some sleep!!

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the towns park is also a meeting place although i have never seen fit to venture down there so couldnt tell you what goes on although i have some knowledge the nearby pub, Minnesotas. legislation is obviously ignored in this part of town as under age drinkers mix with violent hordes of townies and still survives??? stories from this pub include **** *** with under age girls in toilets and people vacating the premises via windows!!

last but not least is the emporium, a haven for clubbers nationwide on a saturday night, **** heaven on a thursday for local kids. for years ‘nappy night’ has thrived (???) with **** boys dressing in their attire to pull drunk girls, dressed in belts and feather socks. the exploits on these nights really leaves nothing to the imagination and i shall not go into detail!!

i have just this minute read that the town is a HOT SPOT for alcohol related asb. need i say more

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