Clackmannan, village mentality 101

Living in Clackmannan
Living in Clackmannan

Clackmannan, is one of the central criminal organisation hubs in Clackmannanshire, Scotland.

No one really knows anyone in this small village, or what they get up to, unless of course, they are also from the village, in which case, they always know what everyone’s up to. It’s the type of place where you fart at the top of the town and by the time you’ve got to the bottom, you’ve shat yourself.

During the daytime, Clackmannan can seem like quite a peaceful place, unless you’re walking down Zetland Street, or on the odd day you’re in the Main Street and Rangers are playing. Don’t shy though, there’s many a unique character to be found in the streets of Clackmannan.

How grim is your Postcode?

when Darkness strikes, it’s a new story altogether. Like an ancient cult order, you can only survive a night in Clackmannan, if you have the blood of a Clackmannaner in you. Sharing a needle doesn’t count.

It is often said that ghost of Robert the Bruce’s fallen enemies live in the Tower, which sits at the top of the town, and at night, they possess the minds of the alkies and make them fight any outsiders, and even each other for silly reasons. often accusations have been heard of people shouting “YOU SHAGGED MA SISTER” only to be followed by the retaliation of “SO DID YOU THOUGH”.

Clackmannan has also been home to several Terrorist organisations in the recent years. In 2005, a group of young children were almost shot as they hijacked the school Lornshill Academy, with BB guns. The riot squad didn’t proceed with the shooting as they felt that the gates of hell might open up themselves and were terrified to even go near them. A few years later there was an alleged shooting up the toon and the Armed police quarantined of the area because they could smell something terrible in the air. After Mulder and Scully investigated the area thoroughly, it was discovered that it was only the coop reeking of pish, so they got in their helicopter and left again.

No one has set foot in Clackmannan since, the place to this day remains a mystery

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