The very fact that I am obliged to register in this website and write about Britain’s chavscape is proof enough that the outbreak of chavviness is truly an epidemic.
Most extroadinary is that I no longer live in the UK, plying my trade in China, and yet am driven to put fingers to keyboard in an attempt to vent some personal frustration and provide moral support for those of you still on the front line. In heart and spirit, I am with you all!
Unfortunately, I feel that our struggle, whilst just and honourable, will be a ‘bridge too far’. Chavs, with similar properties to the HIV virus, will no doubt metamorph themselves into something different within a couple of years. The fake Burberrys will be gone but the aggressive and ever-so-slightly confused character traits will remain. More sadly, they will still be just as conspicuous due to their insatiable appetites for pound shops, junk food, s**t cars and hanging around like rentboys on street corners.
Interestingly, I came to Cheltenham a couple of years ago with my Venezuelan girlfriend, who had just arrived in the UK for the first time. For her own safety and sanity, I knew that it was very important for her to be able to spot a chav quickly and effectively. For target recognition practice we headed down to the rough end of the High Street (Cheltenham-ites know where I mean), where 100’s of the genetically deficient arseholes hang out. From our observation post in Slots Arcade, I was able to talk her through the finer points of chav recognition. Within minutes, she had it cracked, and was able to identify both male and female species from range. Incredible and embarrassing….this means even tourists will be aware of Britains sad demise.
I feel a little better now and have worked up an appetite. Best I head down to the newly opened Mcdonalds in my city for quick bite. The most wonderful thing about living in China is that I can guarantee, 100%, utterly and absolutely, is that there will be NO chavs on the premises. Not in Mcdonalds nor on street corners nor in car parks anywhere! Im free, wonderfully free and ‘I’m lovin it’.