Chavtham (chatham)

KentSouth East

Watcha Bazza! Welcome the local social freak show, the one and only place to see top chav scum. Never fear you won’t miss out, as with all p****s, they will never be leaving your local benches. This delightful species of man can be found regularly hanging, or shall I say ‘cotchin’ outside either Macky D’s, Half Price Jewelers or Poundland down the local High Street. High Street itself has become more of a race track as you find yourself weaving in and out of prams and push chairs (chariots) belonging to the next generation of chavs and the greasy burger stalls erected to feed the chavs in their masses. The young mums unobliviously strole on and stare ahead with their glazed crack eyes, (occasionally black), making her way to the Pentagon for her daily ‘steeling spree’.

This seasons dress code of the local chav , aka Chathamite, contains splashes of Burberry (They still can’t seem to get enough of it, is it their family tartan), Louis Vuitton, Von Dutch, Hackett and an extreme amount of Adidas. Of course most likely to be all fakes! What is it with stripes? Every male chav must have shares in JJB and Allsports as they seem to own every style of Adidas caps and trackie bottoms ever designed! This is all topped off by accessorizing with a fist full of ‘sovs’ (sovereigns) and a neckline covered in tacky gold plated chunky chains. If you ever see anyone fitting this description remember, this is a man with class and he is far superior to you!

On the other hand, the hideous female chav also has a distinctive and striking appearance.
Knee high fake suede boots, ‘look at my huge thighs’ denim mini skirts, and tight as possible Morgan tops. This look is completed with the addition of extended ear lobes due to the weight of 6 pairs of chunky Argos hooped earrings, as many chains as would fit around thier necks, slapped back high pony (aka a pineapple) or a side pony, and all topped of with the traditional chav multi jeweled clowns draped around their neck. As history goes, the clowns were put into production after many believe they have magical chav powers and brings the bearer ultimate hardness! Almost every time you see a chavette you are guaranteed to see the latest accessory of them all, a baby! That’s right this seasons ‘wanna be’ look. Only achieved down Amadaus (the local meat market/club). poor children being influenced at such a young age, and scarred for life with them being victims of this distasteful trend. No doubt its first words are to be ‘oi donna gizza brown’ or ‘i’z gonna facking knock ya ead off ya twat’.

Right, now you know what they look like, time for chav culling! Please do you upmost best to eradicate these vermin of society and the world would be a civilised place once more.







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