Written by Anonymous. Posted in United Kingdom

First let me explain my position. I am a football fan. I come from a family of football fans. I am not middle class. I am working class.  I dont have a problem with people showing their support for a team by wearing a football shirt but I personally thinkt hey look cheap and wouldn’t buy one. I am not a hanger on who has just become interested in football in the past 5 years. I dont like the over commercialisation of the game and to me the game will always be, to quote Stan Matthews, “The working mans ballet.” Yet I cant allow these things to get in the way of my hatred of Chavs at football!

It seems you cant go to a game of football now without being surrounded by chavs! There seems to be two types of chav at football matches: The standard white, pale chav aged 10-25 who thinks he is a black rapmaster from da ghetto, and the scrawny male aged 10-20 who thinks he is a category C football hooligan because he once told an opposition supporter to f**k off when he was 50 yards away with a segregation fence and a line of police officers between them. I will deal with the standard chavs first.

These chavs are of course present everywhere in modern life, yet they seem extremely annoying when you are trying to watch the match, especially when they are talking their chavish bollocks when your team is being stuffed! Luckily at the match there are usually more anti-chavs who cannot stand this language and who are willing to have a go back! Of course going to the match will see the average man being forced to look upon a sea of burberry (Looking on a crowd of them looks like a magic eye puzzle!) but most just wear this stuff for the sake of it but speak something approaching English. However some true chavs cannot resist immitating their rap heroes even when in the company of aggressive men. Here are some of the more memmorable chav quotes I have heard at matches at the Molineux (Home of Wolverhampton Wanderers FC)
-Da Wolves iz champion (Said before/during another season of under-achievement)
-Were iz u me blood, i iz in da ground
-Deez mob am rite s**t (Said before Wolves are stuffed    Manchester United in the FA Cup this season)
-(By two young chavs outside the ground) Av you eard me new rhyme blood, I iz lil Porter, I iz ere call a reporter (At this point a sane person cut in and shouted at the pair to “speak f*****g English”)

However more annoying are the 15year old chavs who go to the matches with their mates and who think they are hardcore football hooligans! These type are scrawny and wear long over-coats, burberry and Gold rings that look as if they are cheap copper with gold sprayed on. They are also the type who shout brainless abuse at matches in an attempt to start fights. During a match at Plymouth last season, I saw one such teen Chav hurl abuse at Plymouth fans encouraging them to join him and his mate (Another hooligan chav) outside for “a ruck.” The only problem with this is that he was in the middle of the away section, at my guess he was about 25yards away from the very people he was trying to provoke with a fence and a line of police between the two sets of fans! On another occasion at Coventry, one young chav spent the entire afternoon telling Coventry chavs that they were going to “get a right kicking.” Of course as soon as we had left the ground at full time, he was as quiet as a mouse!

I dont know what motivates these hooligan chavs. They are all too young to have been envolved in the real hooliganism of the 70s and 80s, and if anything did happen now they would all run a mile because they couldnt actually fight anybody, only hurl abuse. Prehaps the educated chavs (A small number I know) have been inspired by the huge number of hooliganism book. I swear go into a book shop now and the number of Hooliganism books is overwhelming (Waterstones has a specific Hooliganism sub section in the Sports section.) Prehaps with all these old hooligans writing books the chant “Youre going home in a f*****g ambulance!” should be replaced with “Im just off to write my new best-seller!” Prehaps chavs are being inspired by the new wave of hooligan films, or prehaps its just like chave in general, they can dish out abuse but run a mile when somebody has a go back!

Speaking of which, it is hilarious to see chavs cower when somebody has a go at them! This season at Watford, a Wolves chav and his 2 mates (All aged about 16) tried to start a fight by hurling abuse at the family stand during a quiet moment. The look on their faces when 2 policemen marched up the steps and publicly bollocked them was priceless. However it is even funnier when it is thier own fans that have a go. A few years ago during a dull game at Swindon, two hooligan chavs (again about 16) were swearing like mad when a 6 foot tall muscle bound man in a leather jacket had had enough. He had took his wife to the match and disaproved of their language. He quietly and politely asked them
“Excuse me lads, do you talk like that at home?”
“No yer fuckin knob”was their reply.
“WELL DONT DO IT HERE OR ILL BREAK YOUR LEGS SON!”the bloke bellowed, loud enough for everybody to hear. Needless to say they didnt say anything else all night!

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