Salisbury: I spy with my 3rd eye

Living in Salisbury, Wiltshire

I have lived in Salisbury on and off for the last 12 years now and it becomes more and more backwards as the years roll on. Im originally from oop north and it still sends the ******* into a frenzy when they here your accent considering its a massive army town. It’s groundhog day, Royston […]

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Winchcombe: Where Pinot Grigio and Pitch Forks are de rigueur

Living in Winchcombe, Gloucestershire

When you drive through Winchcombe or visit Sudely Castle you could be forgiven for looking at this chocolate box Cotswold town and thinking ‘how lovely’. The reality of living in this god forsaken place couldn’t be further from the rural idyll it pretends to be. Decades of ********** have resulted in many families bearing the […]

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Weymouth: Every day is like Sunday

Living in Weymouth, Dorset

“Every day is like Sunday”, warbled famous songster Morrissey, in his tale of a bleak, broken seaside town. He was clearly visiting Weymouth when he wrote it. But let’s take you through a guided tour of the stunning sights “the **** of Dorset” has to offer the unwitting tourist. The Beach Undoubtedly a stunning vista, […]

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Torquay the English Sh*tty-Area

Living in Torquay, Devon

Torquay is probably the only seaside town in England where ***** outnumber seagulls. However, it is easy to get confused between the two as both groups lay a trail of **** wherever they walk. The only difference is that ***** make their mark in the form of grease left on the floor of local fast […]

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Cheltenham: As posh as a pot noodle

Living in Cheltenham, Gloucestershire

Famed for it’s Horse racing, posh schools and culture festivals, it appears on the face of it, to be a great place to live with the town’s wealth attributed to these classy industries. For these reasons it attracts no end of pretentious tw@ts dressed for ‘escaping to the country’ who are utterly predictable from the […]

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Torquay: The English Chavopolis

Living in Torquay, Devon

It would have been a lot better if Sergei Skripal lived in Torquay rather than Salisbury because at least the government spends money on things other than benefits and combating knife crime in the latter. But even then, I’m not sure the Novichok would have been enough to deter all the bargain loving ***** who […]

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Combe Martin in Devon – Bolshie Brummies a plenty

Living in Combe Martin, Devon

Combe Martin is a Devonshire bumpkin village and small “seaside resort” (apparently), about 4 miles east of Ilfracombe in North Devon. There are very few Devonians left in this **** town, where the average age is 0-18 or over 60; anyone else who wants a normal life ‘gets the hell out of Dodge’, and lets […]

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Cheltenham: For people who like Waitrose and gushing about their salary

Living in Cheltenham, Gloucestershire

Before I start piling on the insults, let me just say I actually DO really like Cheltenham. It’s got a lot going for it; beautiful regency architecture, a great restaurant scene, lovely parks etc. It isn’t the town itself that I wish to shame, but the sorry excuses for human beings that live and breed […]

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North Devon: Fawlty Towers meets Filthy Rich and Cat Flap

Living in North Devon

North Devon, the land of hospitality and great scenery. well at least the scenery and coastline pass muster. Living here is like living a 1970s sitcom, and to be blunt it’s just as cheesy. Why, how? – really glad you asked – let us begin… Hospitality? Picture Fawlty Towers, if you will, and throw in […]

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The Isle of Portland: The jewel in Dorset’s butt cheeks

Living in the Isle of Portland, Dorset

Portland: People often say “it’s lovely, all the sea views, all the views of the coast it’s beautiful”. I would like to point out that those are views of something that is NOT Portland. Turn 180 degrees and look at the grey houses, the grey people with baffled expressions when faced with anything more modern […]

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Sherborne, a hideously deranged town that looks great from afar

Living in Sherborne, Dorset

Sherborne, this hideous town and populace looks picture perfect to anyone visiting; beautiful buildings, clean and tidy public areas, a politeness that is unheard of in any large town. However if you see underneath the exterior there is a festering, filthy wound of bitterness and small town resentment for anyone whose ancestors haven’t plagued the […]

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Liskeard, Cornwall… moving here is biggest mistake you will ever make

Living in Liskeard, Cornwall

Liskeard, Cornwall and all its sly little outlying villages, if you move here to “better your life” then it’s the biggest mistake you will ever make. The people who live here (and there family who’ve lived here for 1000 years and they don’t let you forget that) are horrible! Rude beyond rude! The only people […]

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