Crappy Crawley – depressing hole of the south

Living in Crawley, West Sussex

Ahh good old Crawley… where to start? Let me start with the sh*thole county mall: the type of mall that not only favours fake mobile phone shops and cheap crappy clothing. It also favours ***** that desire ruining your shopping day by calling you a **** or a f*ggot. This mall is so bad for […]

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Chichester: The Hyacinth Bucket of the South

Living in Chichester, West Sussex

Chichester is a city with delusions of grandeur. It wants to be Bath, Oxford or Winchester. It cannot hope to match the cultural significance of these, or the affluence of the towns and cities such as Petersfield, Haslemere and Guildford with their direct commuter routes to London. It has a large student population but cannot […]

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Avoid Crawley if you have a shred of decency

Living in Crawley, West Sussex

Anyone who lives within 50 miles of Crawley will be aware of its somewhat undesirable reputation. As a Surrey boy, I was less than impressed when a career move and a new relationship led to me having to rent a flat in the centre of town. Now, as I prepare to move on after around […]

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Haywards Heath – the patio of England

Living in Haywards Heath, West Sussex

Haywards Hoth dates back to 1544 meaning a “heath by the enclosure with a hedge”. An unsearchable and unheard of ‘legend’ suggests that the town is named after a local highway man, Jack Hayward, who committed his crimes in the vicinity at some undefined period in the past. I suspect this is a colossal in-joke […]

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East Grinstead: a nothing town filled with horrible people

Living in East Grinstead, West Sussex

I have lived in East Grinstead now for 5 years. Although the town has one of the oldest high streets in the country, it does not take away from the fact that it’s a nasty horrible place. The town itself is filled with *****, nutters, nasty middle-class idiots and Scientologists (the national Scientology headquarters is […]

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Is it Horsham or is just me?

Living in Horsham, West Sussex

What even is Horsham? Horsham is spending the majority of your time at school making fart noises with your armpit then ten years later, owning your own business with 10 employees and a fleet of vans. It’s dreading walking down West Street in the company of your own mother, because in all likelihood, you’ll pass […]

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Bognor Regis is the sh*test backwater slop-house

Living in Bognor Regis

So, I’ve lived here for over 10 years now and I have to say that Bognor is the shitest backwater slop-house that you could ever hope to not live in. It’s unofficial name, ‘The Cancer of the South Coast’, is truly deserved. The ‘people’ here (for want of a better word) act like the world […]

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Horsham, a nothing town of retired or retiring civil service employees

Living in Horsham, West Sussex

On the face of it Horsham portrays itself as a small pleasant old English market town. Truthfully it is very over crowded and expanding at a rate far beyond what its market town statement can or could ever cope with. Horsham use to boast a near 0% unemployment however with immigration, closing down of Horsham’s […]

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Pagham: that fieldy place adjacent to Bognor Regis

Living in Pagham

Pagham: that fieldy place adjacent to Bognor Regis, neighbour to Chichester and the land of “No, you can’t cut across there to get to Selsey.” If you’re in the lucky 0.8% of the Pagham population who is under 60 years old and doesn’t drive a Nissan Micra at an astounding 15mph, well done. You’ve somehow […]

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Crawley vs Croydon vs Sutton

Living in Crawley, West Sussex

I haven’t lived here long in Crawley, but from what I hear it is ‘rough’. I have so far yet to witness this, but that’s due to the fact I used to live in both Croydon and Sutton so my idea of rough is a bit different. For example, I hardly ever hear sirens in […]

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