Staines,

Staines is the spiritual home of Ali G and it really does seem that the locals have taken to this role model with pride. Unfortunately, they have overlooked the fact that he was laughing AT *****, not with them. Staines is the loser in this equation. The town planners have been fighting a losing battle […]

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Mitcham, 85% of businesses are fast food joints, kebab & fried chicken shops

Living in Mitcham, Surrey

Mitcham is situated on the border of “Saaaaaaarf” London and Surrey. It is situated in close proximity to Streatham, Croydon, Tooting, Wimbledon and Sutton. Mitcham used to be a half-decent little town with reasonable local shops and a very pretty cricket green area. Unfortunately Mitcham has been forever blighted by the dramatic increase in housing […]

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Redhill

I must have done something pretty ghastly in a previous life because, having survived three years working in the ****-ridden cesspit that is Croydon I am now commuting 90 minutes each way every ******* day to the ****-ridden cesspit that is Redhill. Set in otherwise passable countryside, Redhill is a festering sewer of a town. […]

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Wallington, Surrey

Nestled peacefully between **** paradises of Sutton and Croydon, Wallington has heaps of pondlife who lose their way between the two and haven’t got the wit to find their way out again. As the traffic thunders through the main road of Wallington, many delightful young people (who have obviouslky taken ages getting themselves dressed – […]

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Sutton

I really can’t believe that Sutton hasn’t yet been included before on this site! But then again, seeing as the place is ******** with trackie-bottom wearing no-marks, perhaps there are not many in this sarf London backwater that are too unhappy with chavdom! Let’s start at the bottom of the barrel … or Matalan as […]

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Richmond

Townies, Kevs, ****** ***** and Tea Leafs.. all in Pitcher & Piano or Slug & lettuceRichmond… what can one say about this hive of bacchanalian debauchery? What was once a beautiful riverside suburban town is now being overrun by *****, ****** and spides. They seem to populate the pubs and bars (that used to be […]

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Guildford

My, My, My. What can I say. Since i arrived here 2 years ago to start university-and thats the university not guildford college to all you ***** out there, i have never seen so many ***** littering the streets. Baseball caps at 45 degrees upwards, ****** cars everywhere you look and enough burberry to make […]

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Staines

I can’t believe Staines isn’t already listed! The ‘home’ of Ali ‘G’ and subsequently ‘The Staines Massive’ – because the inhabitants of this place, so named because it is A DIRTY MARK ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH, actually think he’s for real. Yes, honestly.I have seen graffiti proclaiming the territory of “ThE staIns mASiv” […]

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Woking(again)

I can’t keep quiet and must provide you with my further adventures of everyday life in the spunkbubble town of Woking and its despicable ‘care in the community’ burbury wearing shitcreep population of *****. In Dantes Inferno he describes that there are in fact 7 levels of hell and on the bottom level you will […]

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