Colchester: A Shameful Essex Dump

Living in Colchester, Essex

Colchester, Christ, where to begin with this absolute dump? As with most big towns, it’s the people that let this place down. I’ve lived in a few different places and **** me this has to be the worst. It has become so overcrowded, depressing and has seriously gone down hill in the past few years. […]

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Peterborough: oh for a nuclear bomb (or a really big bulldozer)

Living in Peterborough, Cambridgeshire, England

Peterborough. Well, what can I say about it? Like many other places in Britain it has very little left now that is culturally significant. St John’s church, the Cathedral and the Bull Hotel. Nothing else. The heart of this small (but nice) little place was ripped out in the 60’s and 70’s in the name […]

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Bishop’s Stortford – The Planner’s Dream Goes Wrong

Living in Bishop's Stortford, Hertfordshire

I’ve lived in Bishop’s Stortford for the past seven years and the best words I can think of to describe the experience are “more frustrating than a spoon with a hole in it”. The thing is, it could be a perfectly nice town with just a bit of care and thought. It certainly looks nice […]

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Mill End: inches from the cancerous smog of junction 17 on the M25

Living in Mill End, Rickmansworth, Hertfordshire

Emerging just centimetres from the cancerous smog of junction 17 on the M25, sits an old council estate going by the mind-bendingly imaginative name of Mill End. It nestles, like an infected yellow head, on the boarder of South West Herts and South Bucks, and breeds toothless simpletons, social disease and gonorrhoea like a scene […]

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Harlow – Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter…

Living in Harlow, Essex

I like to think I’m a fairly hardened sort of person towards ugliness but I was not prepared for Harlow. I spent the early parts of my life in such, shall we say less than aesthetically pleasing, places as Middlesbrough, Bradford, Stoke-on-Trent and pre-gentrification Hackney. About five years, ago, I started a new job in […]

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Borehamwood – A symptom of our times

Living in Borehamwood, Hertfordshire

Once upon a time, a celebrity was someone who has become famous for being exceptional at something, be it music, sport or film. Many of those who became a celebrity honed their craft at Borehamwood’s famous Elstree Studios. Today, a celebrity is anyone prepared to get their private parts out on television, preferably while being […]

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Watton – Most Boring Town Ever

Living in Watton, Norfolk

Driving through Watton you’d think it’s just another generic Norfolkian Market Town, but to those who are unfortunate enough to end up moving here (especially when you have no choice in the matter) will end up quickly learning that is in fact the most backwards, xenophobic and boring piece of s**t “town” in Norfolk. The […]

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Clacton-On-Sea: a pure warning!

Living in Clacton-on-sea, Essex

You may be thinking of coming to Clacton, think again, Clacton is absolute s***. It’s filled with horrible little kids who think they are the best, they break shop windows, start fights and cause havoc to everyone. I don’t know where their parents are but they must be somewhere. Don’t be tricked by the pier. […]

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Bradwell on Sea: Village of the damned

Living in Bradwell on sea, Essex

If when passing through the toilet bowl that is Latchingdon late at night, you took a wrong turn, got lost but kept on driving for 10 miles on that a road to nowhere, you probably had the misfortune of finding yourself at what seemed to be the edge of the earth, otherwise known as Bradwell […]

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Peterborough – you shouldn’t be that close to your cousin

Living in Peterborough, Cambridgeshire

It is truly difficult to convey how mentally challenged the average Peterborian is. There are small pockets of intelligence and culture dotted around the city but these are rightly mocked, attacked and pushed to the margins. The city voted heavily for Brexit and the vast majority of inhabitants believe any woe in their life can […]

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Tring: So what has changed?

Living in Tring, Hertfordshire

So what has changed? Well not a lot really Budgens closed in 2005 and was replaced by M&S, which has demoted the working of Tesco till’s to profession of choice for the scary looking oddballs of Tring. Crime is on the up,,the ***** of yesteryear are all but grown up (physically) and have spawned at […]

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Halstead – a place time forgot

Living in Halstead, Essex

Now I don’t know how many of you have heard of a small Essex town called halstead, because you should have, with the countless amount of crime that has grown inside it. The most exciting thing to happen in this town is a Costa opening which [allegedly] quickly got ******** with ****. This town is […]

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