Carmarthen, Carmarthenshire


Ahh Carmarthen, where to begin?

From the minute you enter this ****-haven your vision won’t be complete without the view of some Lambert-smoking ratboy and his either heavily pregnant or pram-pushing toothless mess of a girlfriend (or more commonly, fiancee – getting engaged in Carmarthen before 17 is a necessity for the more streetwise of the **** legions).

Five to ten years ago there wasn’t much of a **** problem in Carmarthen but, obvously stirred by rumours that Llanelli was growing a **** army to rival the best of them the in-bred yokels of Park Hall, Belvedere and the rest decided to emerge and stage an uprising. From the gollum-esque locals of the Golden Lion, staring listlessly at you through a haze of cheap weed smoke, to the town park-dwelling, Mad Dog 20/20 drinking teenage alcoholics you can feel that there’s something in the air – the ***** are mobilising.

How grim is your Postcode?

These days you find them everywhere – ******* out in the doorways of the Greyfriars development, walking the streets of council estates, sitting on a wall sending txts 2 a m8, hunched in the corner of the Jolly Tar…depressingly, the list goes on and on.

Unfortunately it doesn’t stop there, because the ****’s are also mobile. A visit to MFI car park on pretty much any night of the week finds you a new bunch of neanderthals – sitting around in their modded-up/maxed (you choose!) Saxo, Corsa or 206 with (neon-enhanced, of course) boot open and music pumping you just know that these really are the coolest of the cool! First sign of police and off they go – wheelspin after wheelspin until the carpark is empty, leaving behind just the glowing embers of countless ****. *******.

To finish, it seems that the council are completely in favour of this **** takeover. They’ve approved the merging of the two main secondary schools (possibly to simulate the merging of all the Carmarthen family trees) in the town. Now, all this is going to achieve is to introduce more current and potential ***** – as if there aren’t enough already they’re now widening the net that allows them to meet and breed!

Carmarthen really is a disgusting little town that probably deserves little more than the direction it’s going in, but voting it into the chavtown top 10 might just focus enough interest that the plague that infests it be opposed. Chavtowns might just save the soul of Carmarthen.

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