Ok, so where do I begin this magical little tale of lovely cannock chase. ok…i can’t so i wont.
Here goes, years ago when we were at school they were called scutters, and some big man in the sky came up with “the chav” —excellent.
There are two kinds of chav, the ones that are about 12 who don’t realise that living up on benion road and the bevan lee automatically excalates into dodgy clothes, weed and gun crime and the 20 year olds, who were hard once, who should know they look ridiculous as a chav, STILL hanging around in the town centre with their shirts off, parading around like a malnurished sewer rat.
Surely we can forgive the little chavs, because these older ones are their role models, its who they score a ten deal off, (cuz that’s so “bad ass”) and run to outside bargain booze on a saturday afternoon when they’ve been turned down for ten mayfair and a box of matches.
Gone are the days when Kappa was cool, and popper trackies were ACTUALLY fashionable because as time has gone by, the chavs are giving them a 2005 come-back teamed with
1) for the girls…
orange faces dirty lipliner and foundation for lipstick, dirty “shazza” hoops from argos/index and brownhills market clothes ( and im not talking the good cheap stuff- i mean the rank looking cheap stuff, like fake diesel t shirts -even though theyre only 15 quid from the shop!!) skanky
Not forgetting the scraped back hair like michelle from big brother complete with face piercing and winnie the pooh socks with their “trackies”..yeh…cuz that looks ace girls
2) The lads, oh god Im not sure if theyre as bad as the trailer trash _ i mean girls…
but jeex they have a good go, these hood rats look like even a kids home neglected them, with scrawny faces only a mother could love, and dirty stained lacoste jackets that they cant dare take off for fear of “gettin stick”. oooh hard man,
sitting on st. lukes church on a saturday you’ll find shazza and deano goin at it, like 13 was too old to have kids!, with a bottle of kiwi 20/20 and faces like smacked arses, yes they look a state, deano getting slightly pissed off that shazzas mates are drinking his 20/20 he saved up his giro for that, and the 5 quid his mum gives him for not smacking her up every “wik”.these lads are EVERYWHERE
a) dossing in chadsmoor round the flats on “crab lane” outside chippies looking for scraps, on the grass verge outside wickses, the train station in hope of frightening old women, look..theyve lived through wars, im sure they aint scared of you lot!
b) outside greggs festering like pigeons cuz theyre fed turkey twizzlers at home by their “new daddy wayne”, and fighting over lighters in the inshops cuz crickets and zippo’s are the dogs man.
Oh please visit cannock, and while your here close it down, for fear of being blinded from the top of the tip by a dirty chavs gold movable clown necklace or a dodgy plastic sovereign big enough to fit around someones neck, you could put them all in a museum ortake them to trinny and suzannah or something, oh that’s right they cant afford a tv to watch what real fashion is, maybe they’re listening to the ratpack on a broken tape recorder in “wozza’s” garage, yeh man….cool