What a **** of a place Burton is! This is a town that definitely got missed when the developers and the cash were around, but you can hardly blame them for taking one look and legging it at top speed. Let me take you on a tour of this stinking landfill site that is known as, “the Brewery town of East Staffordshire”….
Should you arrive by train, the first thing you will notice will be the stink of Coors Brewery situated very near the station. Depending on what stage the brewing is at, varies the stench! Ranging from rancid vomit aroma to diarrhoea, the stomach churning vapours pervade the whole of the town. Also, if the wind is blowing in the right direction, you get the full-on stench from the Marmite factory too.
When you’ve finished hacking your ring up from the smell of the place, proceed up the steps from the station to Station Road, and make your way into the town itself…and there they are in their full gross-ness – the **** population. Burton is heaving with them! To be found loitering around the usual **** haunts, and blinged up to the eyeballs with their naff jewellery. Burton is heaven on earth to these ***** – awash with alcohol for one thing, and plenty of drugs to keep addictions going for decades. Mind you, they do pretty well down at Kwik-Save buying in bulk, their White Lightning and Grolsch lager.
Thus, ends the tour…by now you will be sprinting for the next train/bus out of here – it is that bad!! To sum up, Burton is a grim grief hole of a place, extremely grim in fact. I would gladly live next door to Sellafield nuclear power station than here, because at least living among mutants is far more appealing than living within spitting distance of a Burton ****.