Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in South London

  Have you ever been to Bromley?  It’s that big borough of London, just between Crystal Palace and Orpington.  It’s a conservative-run town, so you know who to blame for the huge problems this town has.

  Bromley is one of the chaviest towns in London (I say one of, it’s not the worst but it’s not chav free; far from it).  Thanks to all the encouragement by the conservative party (we really appreciate it, you f*cks) they swarm into the town centre in their hundreds.  They come all different shapes and sizes, and they’re all one huge problem.  The number of times I’ve been attacked in Bromley by these twats is astronomical.  And not a single person does anything about it.

  I’ll tell you about one time.  I was with my mate just outside the Swan & Mitre (a rock n’ roll pub, how ironic) waiting for one of my mates to come meet us.  We were sitting there about 5 minutes when this group of about 12 chavs walk towards us from the alley.  First they ask us for a spare fag.  I didn’t smoke at this point, but even if I had I would have said no (one fag means the whole packet).  Then they wanted to search us.  One of them came for my bag and I pulled it away and said “What are you doing?” and he was like: “Shut the f*ck up” and smacked me straight in the head.  Then they all jumped in and started beating me.  They didn’t even take anything, they just wanted a bloody fight.  After they had finished pummeling me, they went on to the park where a group of my other mates got mugged by them, but it wasn’t even just the 12 that had started on me.  They’d got about another 10 of their mates to help with this attack.  They beat one of my mates up and stole his phone, digital camera and money, they stole about an ounce of hash off my other mate and they just tourmented my other mates.  It’s not good.

  Another time, I was walking with my girlfriend, my mate and her sister (all girls).  We were heading towards Bickley from the Bromley Civic Centre and we started walking down this alley.  The girls walked off ahead because I was using a phone and then these 3 huge boys come running over to me.  They were all breathing really heavily and psychotically.  I guessed that they were on coke from the way he was talking to me (at about Mach 10).  He asked me where I was from, and then the girls walked back and he said to me: “Hey! Why are you gettin’ your girls to come over like dey gonna start or something?  Like dey gonna back you?”  I said to him that wasn’t the case.  This just pissed him off more.  “This is startin’ to get me angry, yo” he says to me.  I was watching him clench his fist.  He asked me my name, and then he said to me: “Are you crazy, bruv?” And without anytime to think, he thumped me straight in the chest.  This was just a warning blow though.  So I thought to myself, I’m not gonna win in a fight against 3 coked-up chavvy bastards, so stepped back from him and said: “Look mate, I don’t want no beef.”  But it didn’t matter what I said.  They all jumped in and started wacking me in my face.  After a while I just turned away and put my hands over my head.  They then said to my girlfriend, who was hysterically crying at this point: “If you call the feds on us, we’ll come back and kill him.”  Such lovely people.

I knew I deserved it.  I knew you deserved it.  I knew we deserve this kind of un-needed bullshit from every tracksuit wearing w****r with a problem.  Why do we need to be berrated by people as we’re walking down the street?  Sometimes its groups of 10 year old kids throwing eggs at us, or getting their bigger brothers to come “beef it” with us.  So yeah, if you’re thinking of coming to Bromley in the future, try going somewhere half decent, like Central London.


Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in South London

Ahh chavism has now enterterd a new dawn, at least thats what the last dawn said when commenting on garys latest affair! No but seriously, bromley is an ecclectic mix of posh and poor trying to be replicas of posh and becks. A popular gathering spot is the ‘new’ walkerbout’ pub, where many chavs like to go, to show off there lastest sweat bands, von dutch t-shirts and hoxston ‘w#*!?r’ fin style haircuts. But do not allow yourself to be momentarily stunned by the aray of mullets, as you put yourself at risk of blindness from a swish of an hair extentsion. To the pubs in bromley chavs are a god send, as there perma orange tans, (men and women) from bed or bottle, radiate there own illuminous glow, thus reducing the need to switch on any form of lighting. At the height of david beckham, you could not walk into a pub for rosary beads, styled as necklaces and placed with open shirts. i do recall that this was the same summer clairs accessories ran out of headbands. 3 years on so many boys have investeted in highlights and growing there hair, that bromley now hosts a rather more dated image of david beckham and awfully large roots. I must go now as i am preparing to go shopping in bromley highstreet, For this i must put on my newly aquired pink ugg boots and tracksuit, as this uniform is key to fitting in, “i mean, like, yeah but no i don’t wanna, like, be, like different or neyfing!


Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in South East

Bromley, the glory hole of the South East of England, the mecca for young pikies who live in the neighbouring areas. They come from miles around, from such exotic locations as Lewisham, Catford, Croydon, Downham, Kidbrooke Estate, Sidcup and Eltham, just to experience the thrills and joys that Bromley has to offer.

Bromley high street attracts the sophisticated upcoming youth, with money to burn and time to kill. With culture spots such as… Woolworths, this is a vibrant and exciting place to be. It is therefore no wonder that these young kids, the future of tomorrow, enjoy spending quality hours socialising on park benches and phone boxes in Bromley. For all the needles and used condoms, Bromley does have a charm which is hard to find anywhere. Only a few summers ago we had some shootings of an evening, the streets were awash with burberry coloured blood.

This poem about Bromley was written back in the 17th century by a royal comissioner visiting the area.

This little town of Bromley,
Which I have come to know so well,
A place of mystery, culture and wonder,
Who am I kidding, it’s living hell,
The people are all pikies,
And tuck trackies into socks,
I’d never thought I’d say this,
But I’d rather suck some cocks…..than ever return.


Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Uncategorised

It is incredible that Bromley hasn’t yet been awarded a place on the list of UK Chav Towns, for surely Bromley represents the pinnacle of all that is Chav….

The chavs here may be slightly more monied than some of the northern chav s**t-holes, the burberry might (mostly) be real, but the chav culture, attitude, ugly chavettes and acne so synonymous with chav is all too apparent

Argos, Primark, JD Sports, Wetherspoons and McDonalds attracts chavs in Bromley in the same way a coiled, steamy dog turd might attract flies. Such institutions provide the chav with his necessary food (‘Big Mac Meal bruv’), drink (‘pint a stella bruv’), attire (Burberry, Leisure-wear, that trousers tucked into socks combo), accessories (sovereign rings, and Elizabeth Duke’s finest £9.99 including VAT ‘gold’ jewellwey)

The younger, usually spotted (acne) male chav, usually sports the leisure-wear tracksuit / burberry cap-on-the-back-of-head get-up, with trainers in glo-brite white and hangs around McDonalds, with his mum who is about 14 years older than him, but looks more like 40 years older.

Mummy chavette usually has 3 kids with her by 4 different dads. Kyle, Nathan and Chantelle run around McDonalds whilst she stuffs her greasy fat face, with her gut bulging out of her pink J.Lo style soft-feel tracksuit, with its cum stains from where Leeroy missed her face during last nights antics back at her place (usually the Magpie Hall Estate)

The older chav male’s idea of a good night out is probably at The Bell. Where he can get fired up on stella (although probably a shandy), beat someone up, glass someone else, followed by sticking his STI-ridden cock up some chavette’s arse in the back of his Nova.

Bring back National Service….please.