If you are ever driving down the A12 and you hear on the radio that there is congestion prior to the M25 junction, you may choose to divert off the A12 at the previous junction and unknowingly find yourself in the Monaco of the C***s. This ‘pricipallity’ houses the royal family of the C***s and the c**v elite. Most C***s dream of owning a mansion in this corner of Essex and those who have stolen enough to do so, have adourned the outside of their over extended 3 bed semis with bootiful block paved driveways (preferably with his and hers Initials) and fantanstic rendered dropped walls with gold tipped black railings and electric gates (again with his or hers initial or housename i.e Dunroamin’, Checkmate, South Fork, Tara etc etc). Security is a big priority for the C**v Elite cos being dodgy they have loads of geezers after them, so two concrete golden eagles stand guard either side of the gates in order to scare off any fellow c***s who dare think of comming in to nick anything or blow them away with a shooter.
The insides are donned with wall to wall fluer-de-lys and laminate flooring is a must. Brown leather sofas are popular along with anything else that they buy for their palaces at the C***s John Lewis’ (IKEA to you and me).
Princess C**v drives either a Peugeot 206 CC or Ford Street Ka in order to get her to Bluewater(Considered better than Lakeside by the C**v Elite cos its abroad) and back or the local solarium.
Prince C**v drives a chelsea tractor (4 x 4 that has never left the road) to take him dog racing or the municipal golf course.
When you drive thru the town centre itself take your time to admire the many C**v drinking establishments in which 5ft balding prince c**v can take his 14 stone princess and show off to the masses his council tartan and her LV cap and bag which matches their sofa. They also go out for slap up two for a fiver meals in these drinking establishment prior to the Kebab, McD’s and fight (with each other) on the way home.
Brentwood is the apitamany of C***s with Cash, If its a deal, knocked off or of an unknown source then its SOLD!. They also pop over to North Weald Sunday market to pick up more c**v patterned clothing or sports clothes.
To conclude, your better off staying on the A12 in the heavy traffic in order to avoid this chavsville!