This time in a week I’ll be packing my cases & preparing to leave Manchester for Christmas in Boston. To celebrate I thought I’d take you all on a trip down memory lane with some of my favourite Chav tales from my home town.
1) After attending a fancy dress party in full 70’s get up including Afro wig a chavette stopped me & asked in all seriousness "do you go out dressed like this every week?" – well no clearly I don’t I value my life…. later on in the evening another chavette put a cigarette out in my afro – nice.
2) Or what about the time some chavettes (no doubt kitted out in New Look’s finest) actually stopped in the street to point & laugh at me as I sauntered past in Karen Millen? It’s OK girls, the fashion will reach you in about 10 years.
2) There is the walk of terror past ‘Scrubbers Island’ AKA that poxy roundabout outside ‘The Still’ if you wish to move yourself from ‘The Brit’ to ‘Eclipse’ – basically this is where the chav & chavette’s without cars congregate to shout abuse at passers by.
3) Last time I made a visit back to Boston I was locked in ‘Boston Kebab Shop’ by the police as two HUGE women with even bigger gold hoop earrings (possibly bearing the legend BITCH across the middle) had started a fight in the street.
4) Coming back to scrubbers island – if anyone remembers the race riots in Boston after England lost to the Portuguese that was where the burning police car as featured in ‘The Sun’ was – meanwhile Chavs rejoiced as they got to loot Threshers for Mayfair cigs & Coney’s for Rockports.
5) Possibly my favourite this one. Whilst waiting for a friend in a nightclub loo a girl burst in & said "duck, ‘old toilet door opon fer meh" not daring to refuse I gingerly perched on a sink & did so with the toe of my shoe whilst carefully looking the other way for fear of being asked "wot you fuckin’ starin’ at?". Fortunately this didn’t happened however she did then go on to say "ah ha ha, can you see all the craps comin’ off meh pubes"……. I kid you not.
See you on the 24th in Cactus Jacks – mine’s a ‘Jack’s Nuts’ cocktail – Thanks