EVERYWHERE – WE’RE SURROUNDED AND OVER RUN WITH THE ********, they’re like cockroaches, breeding succesfully despite the run down ghetto like pits of degredation they inhabit.
To find the local ****’s en masse you have only to check out the prom any day of the week where you’ll find them strutting their stuff attempting to intimidate passers by but failing miserably. The easiest place to discover a nest of the buggers though is any one of the many parks in suburban Blackpool after 6pm. Hordes of the spindly, baseball hatted, trouser tucking, spliff smoking little tw*ts abound, usually on stolen mountain bikes or bmx’s with the seat set at it’s very lowest point. Innocent walkers beware – on they’re own they’ll cower in your shadow but in groups of more than two they become the bravest, most fearless fighting men to stalk the streets, liable to attack without provocation or warning and with little hesitation in using your head as a trampoline or stealing your mobile phone.

I used to work as a doorman at “Chaven and Hell” the nightclub beloved of the Ned’s of Blackpool. This was a truly gratifying job as I was legally required to throw many of them out for possesion, consumption and selling of illegal substances aswell as refusing them entry for being far too “****” for their own good. The small village I live in just outside Blackpool is teeming with them after dark and there is dark talk in the ale houses of the locale – of vigilantism and doling out of retribution, much needed many would add!
If you visit (unwisely) Grange Park, the biggest, roughest council estate in the area you will truly find the motherload – in my opinion, this is where “****” was first born and where it should rightfully be destroyed. A B-52 full of napalm should do the trick or a bunker buster on the nearest dole office.
Haters of **** unite!!! Blackpool needs your help!

How grim is your Postcode?

Ahhh…Blackpool. Sunny glorious Blackpool. Where the gulls pitch and soar, the pigeons coo, and numerous local ‘characters’ attempt to sell you rag mags for some fictitious ‘college’. If this college did indeed exist, then it would surely be entitled Blackpool & Fylde **** Finishing School. Ladies and gentlemen, I am utterly appalled that Blackpool has not, until now, been nominated as a **** Town. However, I wish to go one further than just nominating it as a ‘**** Town’, I wish to open and close the list for ‘the **** Capital of the UK’.

Examine the evidence: Which other town has a funfair ride called ‘Bling’? Which other town has a national hairdressers convention? Which other town embodies ‘Bling’ as much as Blackpool in Illuminations season? (I’m sure they’ll be a Burberry laser show this year). Which other town can claim to have the countries (if not the worlds) largest disco mirrorball? (And its not even in a disco, its on the bleedin’ Prom!)

When you’ve had enough of the local ***** looking at you because you walk without knuckles dragging behind and without a Von Dutch cap, there are the ***** that come from the sink estates of Lancashire (and beyond) for a holiday to puke and piss in the streets, and look at you because you can walk without knuckles dragging behind or a Von Dutch cap.

Most of the towns mentioned on these pages have no doubt at some time aided the influx of ***** to Blackpool on a weekly basis. They all flock to Syndichav (it has a revolving dancefloor AND a laser show – the height of **** disco) or Chaven and Hell. when those establishments aren’t open then they’re all either A: in Blackpool Chavver Beach, or B: in the places that pass for bars, playing music so loud that conversation is impossible. Not that you would expect any kind of constructive conversation from the patrons.

There is no point in attempting to list all the places where the ***** hang out in Blackpool (over an above the otehrs mentioned previously), i would have to name every street corner, park and bench within the Borough boundaries.

This town is beyond redemption. The few remaining good souls in the town are plotting a breakout. We should encourage all ***** to move here, and then open the town to live military training exercises.

Although I have tried to convey the Chavness of Blackpool, i am afraid my vocabulary does not contain words appropriate enough.