The ***** are everywere, they are bringin’ an army. This is gonna carry on till the end of the world unless we destroy them because the ***** will have kids and make them ***** and at the age of 13 they will have ***** and they will all “knife and butt” us aghhh they are taking over the universe i bet theres even **** aliens and ghosts. They hang out in town a lot and jus act totally gay! God help me

A.K.A. The Bog
It’s in a valley, a wet, stinking ******** full of ****. It’s one of the worst, if not THE worst place in the world. Babies are born in ‘BRI’ chewin’ speg (chewing gum) with their mouth’s open and saying ‘what the **** are you lookin at dickeeeeeahd!’ or ‘I’ll ****** spark you right out you ***.’
They then fester throughout their formative years in Green Lane, Shad, Higher Croft, Whalley Range (usually a certain breed of **** with a distinct aroma in this area, along with Audley) or Johnson Street. Then it’s off to skive secondary school and notch up some ASBO’s for the CV.
Certain areas and establishments are reserved for the cream of **** in Blackburn. I’m not sure what they call it now, but it used to be called ‘Campbells Amusements.’ This place uses a stanley knife as a membership card. McDonalds is for low grade ****, and attracts scallies/townies/***** from the surrounding ********* (rishton, great harwood, darwen, fenny, etc…) on a saturday. These are the dickeeeeahds that will grow up to get ‘twatted outside Cav, on the caaarrr paaaarrrk’ by the gentlemen who frequent Campbells.
The best any of the poor hopeless scrotes of the Bog can hope for is to one day be on a firm of doormen in the town or sell drugs to their old chums. They can train at the local mecca for crime and general **** – the dodgy gym (no longer Gardiner’s, possibly Charnly’s or a similar classy establishment). Here they can look to their heroes and hear tales of townie **** of yesteryear such as Dave Gardiner killing a police dog or the various exploits of the wilsons or some other tossed-off-knobs from johnson street. Who knows, maybe they can out-do their predecessors by making enough drug money to buy their own council house? Many of these kings of **** (such as big bill – the bouncer at the extremely trendy and off the wall club ‘jazzy kex’) can retire to an early grave thanks to all the ******** they’ve taken over the years. For the rest of the ***** in this town, it’s either cancer or liver/kidney failure (the diet isn’t good, but there is nothing for these useless ***** to do aside from smoke, drink, rob and fight).
Has anyone noticed how old these people look by the way? Children as young as 12 generally have the face of a 40 year old, with a permanent in-grained layer of dirt to highlight their prematurely wrinkled skin.
It should be flooded and it’s inhabitants drowned like the **** they are.

Blackburn, its full of them, full of the little FAke Burburry wearing, three stripe hogging, socks in pants scrubbers and Rockport wearing ****.

Yes I used the word FAKE as in Blackburn the ***** are so Downmarket they wear fake stuff they don’t drive Souped up Saxos they prefer to go for the good old Nova.

In Blackburn once nice places are now being overridden by ***** so they are multiplying faster than the teenage pregnancy rate allows so no longer are they confined to Higher Croft and Shad areas of town.

The piss poor excuse of a Town Centre is **** paradise with perhaps the biggest TJ Hughes you will ever see and as the good shops close the Pound shops open with half price sales for our **** citizens. Blackburn Towncentre provides many benches for ***** and Wineos alike, all of which love to hang around in big intimidating groups.

Walk to McDonalds at 2pm in the afternoon and you will find the younger ***** bunking off School and harassing people for money so they can go buy themselves a cheeseburger or use the public phone box to try and crank call one of the shops they have been moved on from.

So if you want to go out in Blackburn in the Evening you can catch a Bus more than likely if you are a **** you will take a varient of the Number 4 which comes from Higher Croft or the Number 1 which comes from Accrington or Darwen. You get on the bus and the windows and seats are scrawled with Johnny D Loves Bekki or somthing along the lines of Kev is Gay call 01254 ******.

Once you are in town you can go to many **** Bars such as Marleys or The T Bar for Club life we currently have Jumpin Jaks or the Utopia also known as the CAV as that is what it was called 30 years ago. If you are Underage you can always go Never Never Land which is the ultimate nightspot but be warned don’t look at any females as some skinny **** loser will start with his fight call ‘Are You Looking at My Bird?’ and the only thing you can come back with is ‘no’ why you ask, because you can’t say ‘Yeah, she looks like a slapped ****’.

That nearly it for this dogshithole it however has one redeeming feature its not Burnley