Bishops Stortford. Once a quiet, peacefull town, in Hertfordshire. A bit boring, but a generally pleasant place. What the hell happened? The chavs have landed. They have infiltrated almost everywhere, and before long Stortford will be the new Harlow*. No one is safe.
*just in case you are unaware, harlow is the disgrace of my local area, and happens to have the highest rate of underage pregnancies in Europe! That’s quite something.
Lets start with Jackson Square, the shopping centre. Pretty small at the moment but is being redeveloped to attract more chavs. Great. The popular shops are the designer stores “Stunning Rags” and “Klub” (I think that’s closed down now, too expensive maybe) Wilkos is always good for the pick n mix, Argos for all the bling requirements and super drug for zit zapping potions and cheap perfume. Young chavs sit on the benches smoking and shouting all weekend. Others sit in the photo booth doing god knows what. The boys walk around eyeing up the girls with their limp like walk, trying to look ’ard. This is all good for entertainment value I must admit. Chavs and their chavettes wander through the high street by day and appear quite harmless.
By night, all hell breaks loose. The locally nicknamed “baseball caps” race each other up the high street and along the ring roads, and find going through red lights hilarious and manly. In their beaten old fiestas with sub woofers crammed in, they zoom around town hoping to pick up some lucky lucky “bird.” Charming.
Don’t even get me started on the multi-plex. Me and my friends only brave going to the cinema on a Sunday evening when all the little dears are tucked up in bed, really for school or the dole office queue. For some reason the chavs enjoy smashing the window of their favourite fast food chain, McDonalds. In the winter, when it gets dark early, the chav kids come out to play- with metal bars, quad bikes and fireworks. Chav is the name, intimidation is the game. It seems the more damage you do or the more people you inflict sheer hell on the higher reguard your “crew” holds you in.
I want to start a “Save Stortford” campaign. Chavs are taking over and I don’t like it. My advice is to get out while you can.