Birkie used to be quite a nice place to live but now its living proof that once one **** family arrives more will follow quicker than you can say ‘burberry’ Every night ***** can be seen wandering the street with their gold hoop earrings and fake adidas trackies tucked into their socks. smoking l&b **** is obligatory from the age of 11 and to be truly initiated into one of the many **** gangs you have to prove your worth by either nicking sweets from the local shop, getting served to buy **** or smashing the phone box outside (except i think bt have given up on repairing it) mini-***** can also be seen wandering round looking after their baby brother/sister ***** (who always seem to have snot pouring from their noses) until the shout comes at 10pm ‘Jordan/Kayleigh/Manolo get your **** in here now!!!!!’ the older **** gangs seem to be about til midnight regardless of the weather – I mean who would want to be inside in the rain/hail/snow/hurricane when you can hang about in a bus stop instead? if you’re very lucky when you drive past the bus shelter you can get to see a 13 yr old ******** getting impregnated by a burberry cap-wearing imbecile while their mates stand behind the bus stop and shout encouragement, and a few months later you will see her with full pregnant belly on display between cropped halter neck and 4 stripe adidas.
Grown-up ***** (over 15) are usually found in the george pub drinking cider (or stella if its giro day) and buying whatever drugs they fancy. there are usually buggies of kids lined up outside the george in the hope that the ***** will collect the right one at the end of the night (kind of like a cloakroom at a club). if they cant afford a cider as well as their drugs they can always pop into the graveyard to buy them – with the additional benefit that there are sometimes little old ladies there for them to mug. For a trip outside birkenshaw there is lovely cleckheaton – boasting a tesco, a tattooists and a new improved jack fultons (cheap frozen food) – or batley. or for a full day trip you can get on a bus to dewsbury and go to the market, and miss behave for your polyester tops. All in all birkenshaw really is a great place to see ***** of all ages in their new habitat… with lizzie duke jewellery, burberry, fake adidas, drugs, white lightning and ASBOs a-plenty. George Bush, when you have finished with batley can you pop up and bomb birkie on your way home??