Billingham Town Centre

A great place to go if you want to lose the will to live. Whether it be the tatty, wind-swept market with its plastic jewellry and out-of-date food stalls, garishly coloured children’s playground or the finest selection of cheap shops this side of Thornaby, nowhere has made me feel more like just laying down and dying than this marvellous place.

However, I reserve the lions share of my vitriol for the delightful shopping centre. This car park-esque, cold concrete bunker wind tunnel of despair is dimly lit with a couple of weak orange street lights and smells permanantly of tramp’s piss. Truly a mecca for the many greasy, jobless ***** who no doubt spend their days shuffling round there in an alcohol and valium induced semi-coma.

Yes, people if there is a hell, it would look a lot like Billingham.

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