Written by Anonymous.

After nearly being knocked out by the biggest set of hoopy ear rings worn by a 13 year old pregnant chavette pushing a pram (shock) i feel i have to report Bicester as a chav haven. Not that there is much here, however the population of chav’s has exploded they are usually spotted on a weekend in the town (should be street) centre were they hang about. There are numerous trackies trainers bling and baseball cap wearing chav scum there are loads of pram pushing caked on make up big hoopy ear ring wearing chavette slappers with their chavlings and the wanabee chav the BMX riding chavlet (a younger version of a chav).

Most are to be found outside Woolworth’s sitting on the benches with the chavettes prams blocking most of the pedestrian access this attracts the chav to go in to his mating ritual. This consists of preening (all BLING on show) he then goes into a vocal display of whispering insults at passers by (being heard by a sixty year old lady passing by puts the fear of god into them) after this has impressed the chavette he will try to prove he will be able to support them this consists of entering Woolworth’s and shoplifting a sweet from the pick n mix as anything bigger and they might get caught. If this has failed to impress the chavette he will give up and go to the mobile phone shop and drool mesmerised by the new shiny phones he would love to have. The chavette having a memory worse than a goldfish has forgotten his mating display ever took place and chats to her mates about how they are going to get the two ton of cheep makeup that they shoplifted home and which colours to wear (what will clash best). The young chav knows this so after he has made his puddle of drool outside the phone shop he will go through the same display again hoping his luck will be better this time and he will be able to settle down at 15 with a chavling on the way and a ready made chav family.

Now Bicester is lucky (YEA RIGHT!!) it has a designer retail park (chav almost heaven) this is were you can go and get all the cast off kit (last years) that the proper shops could not sell so its cheaper (but not cheap enough for the discerning chav) so you will see them and their drool trails throughout the village this keeps the local illegal immigrants in work cleaning it up and putting out the health and safety signs (caution slippery when wet) (no s**t sherlock) now no average chav could afford even these knock down prices. So on a Sunday there is a local chav market Finmere (now this is chav heaven) all the knocked off kit you could dream of this market attracts chav’s like s**t attracts flys they come from near and far cos its CHEEEEEEP!!!! and its all ripped off kit. Now your average chav not being of high intelligence (even the rich chav “David Beckham” intellectually challenged nough said!!!) this is were the stall holders can get one over on the chav (he has probably stolen from the stall before) how do you spell reebock, burbureee, adidass and van .

Now the other haunts for the chav are Halfords were they can go and look at all the cheep shiny bits they can bolt on to there cars like aluminium foot peddles and gear leavers, big shiny alloys and of course neon under car lighting. Now most of the staff are of chav persuasion (and they get staff discount) so the stable of citron saxo’s outside blocks the car park the competition is ferocious as who has the biggest alloys and exhaust, who has the most speakers and the biggest sub woofer, who has got the most outrageous body kit with the biggest spoiler and who’s car has the brightest neon light show. Bicester has come up with a new christmas lighting plan its asked all the chav’s to drive round town we don’t have to pay them and its better than the normal two light bulbs and four candles that adorn bicester high street.

Bicester is chav infested chav’s chavettes chavlings and chavlets im not sure what is worse having the chav scum pond life a prison on your doorstep (housing all the chav scum that are caught shoplifting and joy riding) or having an asylum centre built in your back yard which ever way you look at it Bicester is FUCKED !!!!!


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