After nearly being knocked out by the biggest set of hoopy ear rings worn by a 13 year old pregnant ******** pushing a pram (shock) i feel i have to report Bicester as a **** haven. Not that there is much here, however the population of ****’s has exploded they are usually spotted on a weekend in the town (should be street) centre were they hang about. There are numerous trackies trainers bling and baseball cap wearing **** **** there are loads of pram pushing caked on make up big hoopy ear ring wearing ******** ******** with their chavlings and the wanabee **** the BMX riding chavlet (a younger version of a ****).
Most are to be found outside Woolworth’s sitting on the benches with the ********* prams blocking most of the pedestrian access this attracts the **** to go in to his mating ritual. This consists of preening (all BLING on show) he then goes into a vocal display of whispering insults at passers by (being heard by a sixty year old lady passing by puts the fear of god into them) after this has impressed the ******** he will try to prove he will be able to support them this consists of entering Woolworth’s and shoplifting a sweet from the pick n mix as anything bigger and they might get caught. If this has failed to impress the ******** he will give up and go to the mobile phone shop and drool mesmerised by the new shiny phones he would love to have. The ******** having a memory worse than a goldfish has forgotten his mating display ever took place and chats to her mates about how they are going to get the two ton of cheep makeup that they shoplifted home and which colours to wear (what will clash best). The young **** knows this so after he has made his puddle of drool outside the phone shop he will go through the same display again hoping his luck will be better this time and he will be able to settle down at 15 with a chavling on the way and a ready made **** family.
Now Bicester is lucky (YEA RIGHT!!) it has a designer retail park (**** almost heaven) this is were you can go and get all the cast off kit (last years) that the proper shops could not sell so its cheaper (but not cheap enough for the discerning ****) so you will see them and their drool trails throughout the village this keeps the local illegal immigrants in work cleaning it up and putting out the health and safety signs (caution slippery when wet) (no **** sherlock) now no average **** could afford even these knock down prices. So on a Sunday there is a local **** market Finmere (now this is **** heaven) all the knocked off kit you could dream of this market attracts ****’s like **** attracts flys they come from near and far cos its CHEEEEEEP!!!! and its all ripped off kit. Now your average **** not being of high intelligence (even the rich **** “David Beckham” intellectually challenged nough said!!!) this is were the stall holders can get one over on the **** (he has probably stolen from the stall before) how do you spell reebock, burbureee, adidass and van .
Now the other haunts for the **** are Halfords were they can go and look at all the cheep shiny bits they can bolt on to there cars like aluminium foot peddles and gear leavers, big shiny alloys and of course neon under car lighting. Now most of the staff are of **** persuasion (and they get staff discount) so the stable of citron saxo’s outside blocks the car park the competition is ferocious as who has the biggest alloys and exhaust, who has the most speakers and the biggest sub woofer, who has got the most outrageous body kit with the biggest spoiler and who’s car has the brightest neon light show. Bicester has come up with a new christmas lighting plan its asked all the ****’s to drive round town we don’t have to pay them and its better than the normal two light bulbs and four candles that adorn bicester high street.
Bicester is **** ******** ****’s ********* chavlings and chavlets im not sure what is worse having the **** **** pond life a prison on your doorstep (housing all the **** **** that are caught shoplifting and joy riding) or having an asylum centre built in your back yard which ever way you look at it Bicester is FUCKED !!!!!