The absolute must-have talisman is the pit-bull dog, this must be taken out in public with no leash to show how hard you are…. The Bermondsey male **** will be easily distinguished when you are walking down the street, for a start he won’t be walking but performing some ridiculous strut from Monty Pythons ministry of silly walks whilst waving his jewellry clad arms around like a ******* stoned monkey.
The **** female will usually be wearing a tracksuit and holding an extra large pushchair with several **** babies inside. She will usually have her greasy/laquered hair tied back and very large earrings.
there are several places in Bermondsey that are currently under occupation by these characters, One such place is Southwark Park, a beautiful serene park which has been spoiled by the presence of the ****. The most chavtastic place though is a shopping centre called ‘Surrey Quays’, this place is home to the under 25’s only, although the occasional older **** can be spotted. this place has the most sports shops per square mile in the country and is to be avoided especially on a Saturday. One of my favourite hobbies is counting pitbulls, I usually spot at least half a dozen a day, I thought these animals were all destroyed but Bermondsey seems to be a special nature reserve where the rights of the killer dog have been preserved.
I’m moving away in a month but you cannot escape the ****, I moved to Bermondsey from Cardiff which is also crawling with ***** of a different nature, Cardiff is home to the ‘mulletted’ **** who can often be seen sporting a mullet hairstyle coupled with a pink sports t shirt. I’m moving to Sutton(surrey) which is near Croydon – the **** capital of the country, I intend to become an expert in Chavology and write a thesis on the pointlessness of existence ……