Wanting to go on a date? Why not go to Bedford? You could go to Russell park and have sticks and joint butts thrown at you, probably to end up being chased away by the CRRC (The Castle Road Rude Crew) – an obnoxious bunch of 15 year olds running around with baseball bats.
No? Take two, the cinema. Waiting inline, you’re the back of the queue behind a huge group 7 year olds who have caps positioned erect on their heads, nike, nike, nike, nike, and keep adding ‘brrrrup’ into their sentences. And they’re all trying to get into the same 18 as you. You get into the film and some huge gang of 16 year olds dressed in fake burberry and trashy **** gear start arguing about **** halfway through the film. This after having spent an hour and a quarter throwing popcorn at various people around the cinema, including you and your date. You get outside the cinema and are innocently walking away when you get mugged; your phone nicked, your wallet gone, keys, the lot. And you see that group of 7 year olds running away with it all, brrrrupping away into the dark night like imps.
Nuh-uh. In town, Saturday afternoon, it is stunning how many ***** like to spend their time ******* around outside the classy hotspot – Woolworths. Although, after 3 years of this ‘ghetto’, they’re starting to move a few metres away, blocking up the main entrance to the indoor shopping centre. However, it has to be said, the bus station is the worst of the lot. If you’re not verbally attacked for money by a 20 year old African guy, who reeks of dope and ****, in – guess what – nike, nike, nike and nike, you’re the bullseye for the 12 year old girl-****-gang’s chips. The bus reeks of vomit and McDonalds (amazing, they smell so similar. Brothers in the digestion industry), and you sit there wondering how that arsey **** could have the cheek to stare at you for the whole bus journey. Until you realise he’s asleep, joint ******* out of his hands as his head lollops around in his cap that – face it – has no excuse for being there. It doesn’t keep the sun off their heads, necks or faces – ESPECIALLY not in winter – and it does NOT look cool. No way. Any way, shape or form. No. ‘How bout you shut up?’ (In best imitation of a Jamaican accent, and many hand movements that involve crossing over the 2nd and 3rd finger)
***** of Bedford – domination of the town centre, vandalisers of the town outskirts, inhabitants of the inbetween ********* of an excuse for housing. They look like walking peanuts with a bad limp and a tendency to shout ‘brrrup’, ‘****’ and ‘motherfucker’. Oh, and as the old saying goes ‘GREEEEBOOOOOO!’