People have bought up Bedford before, that sleepy market town, set by the river Ouse, where even the geese are discriminated against… But enough of this idyllic scene.
Four very ****** things have come to my attention over the last few days and how they shock me to the core.
The first being Burberry “****” check trainers. There are limits somewhere but when some **** dole **** client of mine (yes, I’m employed trying to help these lost individuals) showed them to me, I almost vomited over them. And they cost the twat £95 and he thought they were a bargin! That’s little Brittneys meals gone for another fortnight then… Best bit was when another of my not so ****** clients told him he could have picked them up on ebay for a fiver!
The next traumatic sight was **** moped users doing wheelies in that **** central of Putnoe, but not the nice side. Had to trail his white nikes on the ground to stop himself from falling backwards mind.
Tiny ***** drinking lager in bus shelters is another. A common sight I hear you say but not generally at 10:30 on a Sunday morning and the five of the ALL WEARING THE SAME! Not sure which was worse there, the **** clones or seeing them drinking that early on a sunday morning.
The worst thing I saw though was the middle aged ******** wearing Pineapple joggers, in white, with her bum hanging to the back of her knees, black suede tassle boots and a tiny baby pink Playboy top. Good thing I was in Boots and received the necessary medical treatment when I passed out…
I thought I’d seen it all but how wrong I am.