There is some debate as to whether my home ‘taan’ is in ‘Norf Lundun’ or ‘Haarfordshaa’, but wherever it is, it seems be crawling with pondlife of varying shapes and sizes (in the case of the chavesses- the shape is either pencil thin and bony or lard heap on legs). Suburbs like mine seems to be chav hotspots, given that the average chav lacks the merest shred of imagination required to go anywhere more interesting. The chaviest place of all of course is the local council estate (or baby-chav breeding ground). Mine is euphemistically called ‘Dollis Valley’; ‘Scum City’ would be more appropriate. ‘MaccyDs’ is of course also popular, though I have never managed to wade across the spit-soaked pavement outside it and actually witness what goes on there. There is also the infamous ‘Jenny’s ‘Restaurant”, which is predictably full of people who seem to think McDonalds is a tad too middle class. I don’t have to describe the people I see around me- you know what they look like: the hordes of spitting youths oozing cider and the threat of violence, the girls reeking of chip-fat sleaked hair and possibly wheeling one or more nike-clad demon-babies in mock-burberry push chairs.
Yes I am a snob and proud to be so. I never knew how awful common people could be until I had to live among them. And it’s not as if they can even keep themselevs to themselves- they just don’t know how to not shout at people they don’t like in the street (usually non-white or gay or just not chavish in general) or not to leave trails of foodstuffs on the bus for hapless others to sit in. There is no country on earth that does common quite like we do. If you are white and poor in this country you are almost always predestined to be a chav, and thus rightly hated by the rest of the population. Why can’t poor people in this country have any dignity or self-respect? God knows. These people make local environments hellish and I for one can’t wait to leave mine. But where to go to avoid the chavs? I suppose I’m just lucky I don’t live in Stevenage!