Bangor, Norn Irn

Northern Ireland

“While the proliferation of s******s has been noticeable everywhere in recent years, surely no-where has had such a massive sub-population growth as Bangor. The amount of annoying wee toe-rags in cheap sportswear and crap jewellery has ballooned in recent years, a fact I believe to be linked with the opening of Lizzy Duke in the big Argos shop in our beloved Flagship Centre. “Wow, a £200 necklace! You must be really rich, or incredibly stupid…”

In Bangor, now the Flagship centre has tried banning the gangs of youths/shoplifters, they are most likely to be found in the greasy windows of Burger King and KFC, only at nights though when the only people working there are their scabby mates (so they can force them to give them free food), and the spotty wee junior manager who can be intimidated all too easily. Once they reach 17 though they have a serious lifestyle choice to make. Do they (A) Want to wise up and start trying and being a sensible human being or do they want to (B) Try and blag a car off the Social Security Agency by claiming they are unfit for work, which they can then gyp-up? If you answered (A), you don’t understand c***s at all, do you?

Now they have their tarted up Peugeot 206’s, they can join the vast army of s**m that heads down to Bangor seafront on a Sunday night to go ‘cruizin’, with their gyp mates hanging out the passenger side giving abuse to anyone who happens to be near them,or inapproriate leering to any ‘hat chicks’. They even held some of those ludicrous Max Power Magazine gypfests there before the cops finally saw sense and closed the main seafront car park and forced them to smaller car park opposite the Cop Shop.

Of course that may sound as if the locals are trying to do something about it, when far too many of them have silently overseen the destruction of what was a reasonably attractive seafront, into a derelict eyesore. Their solution to try and bring back some day visitors is to re-book what must be the world’s least safe looking funfair for the entire summer, despite the fact that the rides are s**t, and I mean S**T, nevermind the fact that the last time they came here, some wee bastards set the place on fire after about two weeks. In fact I think they got out of prison just in time for this summer…”

*EDIT* I can’t believe I completely failed to mention the bigoted s**m the population of Northern Ireland has to put up with in the above rant. Now that the Twelfth Of July has passed, ‘celebrating’ the victory of King William Of Orange at the Battle Of The Boyne in 1690 (yes, that’s right, over 300 years ago!) we are largely free of the rag tag bunch on both sides who seemingly believe their cultural rights are best upheld by pelting the police with bricks, and getting all arsey about people wanting to walk past their house or people not wanting the s**m of the earth to walk past their house (Delete whichever is applicable).

Top 10 worst places to live in England 2019