Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Uncategorised

Loads of scrotes in and around the area, in particular around the old Bottle & Basket. If you’re lucky, you might get christened with someone throwing stones at you as you cycle past.

Usual chav attire – Nickelson. Hackett. Highest double-buggy count is up in Roundshaw which somehow gets classed as Wallington.

Vocabulary fairly limited and never exceeds comprehensive school standards. Anyone who went to a grammar school is automatically labelled as gay.

Cigs of choice: normally Lambert & Butler but will do with Mayfair if pushed.

Local pub ‘The Whispering Moon’ which opened 10-15 years ago seems to pick up the ex-trade from the Merry-Go-Round up on the (yes, you’ve guessed it) the Roundshaw estate.

I thought they knocked all of Roundshaw down recently but then someone disappointed me by building houses there again. Still a definite improvement over the legendary Instone Close, scene of many a burnt-out car.

Trillions of nobsta chavs riding around on pissy little 50cc mopeds. Seems to be the transport of choice, and required driving skills include wanking the nuts off the thing to get it to do all of 28mph. Stunning. Complemented perfectly by banshee wail 10,000rpm engine noise and a complete lack of signalling as is de rigeur.

badbwoy motors seen recently include the usual industrial chimney exhaust system and comprise Novas, and a particularly hideous Fiat Cinquecento for example. Subaru Imprezas have been taken over by the local cons.