God-foresaken hole just off junction 10 of the M42. Warwickshire was Shakespeare’s county – come and see why he left!!! Hang-outs include…just about anywhere really. (i’ll bet good money that this town has the highest concentration of **** per square inch anywhere) Lister Road shops or the bus station are particular favourites, ideal for getting ratted on White Lightening and abusing passers-by. Slightly older ***** (generally 14 and over) may be sited in the Three Tuns or Blue Dog pubs, which on a Friday night are perfect for those who enjoy a pint-glass in the face.
A Deliverence style backwater, forming one point of the notorious “**** triangle” that also includes the nearby towns of Nuneaton and Tamworth. Atherstone is the smallest of the three but what it lacks in size is more than made up for in pure, concentrated chavvyness. Slightly more educated locals like to mention that the town was included in the Domesday Book and Atherstone is quietly proudly to have continued its relationship with doom ever since.
Favourite activities amongst the locals include drinking, fighting…and thats pretty much it. This is probably helped by the fact that the town centre, comprising all of two roads and a tiny market square, has a mind-mashing 13 PUBS – plus one nightclub, with establishments generally adopting a rigourous drinks policy that could best be described as, if it breaths – serve it.
The local high school is well known as one of the worst in the borough, its real purpose being a stop-gap before the factory, the dole or pregnancy (although this last one often tends to overlap).
Particular **** breeding grounds include North Street, Royal Meadow Drive and the notorious area of Mancetter, although nowhere in this town is really safe from the Burberry curse.
Anybody that is still brave or foolish enough to think of visiting this place should take note of the following advice:
1. Never come alone
2. Wear a disguise. (preferably cheap sportswear or Ben Sherman Shirt. ALWAYS WITH ROCKPORTS.)
3. Visit your local GP for the required innoculations… probably all of them.
If you still want to come here then your either
a) an adrenaline junkie,
c) a ****.
Either way, good luck, and don’t say that you haven’t been warned…