Written by Anonymous. Posted in North East

Askern is not hell; but you can see it from here. Doncaster 7 miles . Askern is technically a town, honestly. It has a town council and everything! But is probably as far from actually recognised as one as is Doncaster (the nearest metropolis) from being a city.

The town itself is a confirmed chav-haven, it is, in fact, impossible to find anyone who is not a chav in the whole town-village! Anyone not displaying chav behaviour before age 7 is considered Outlying areas include Campsall, Instonville, Norton and Sutton which are all equally as infested. It is therefore difficult to pinpoint where the chav hang-outs, because these are everywhere.

Popular haunts, however, include the library wall, around the lake, outside the White Hart/Red Lion/Swan/Crown/Railway/Welfare, the local schools, the shops etc. Perhaps the most prominent place for the chav-spotter would be Saturday night from 6.30 at any bus stop. Hundreds of them. They swarm into town, only usually to be turned away to return to Askern to drink on the streets or in the pub ‘lock-ins’.

Askern is perhaps the best example of a chav finishing school, the baby chavs (they start displaying chav behaviour here at around 2) develop into fully fledged chavs and progress to become doley-chavs or donny-worker-chavs at around 16.

Smoking is a right of passage and compulsory, as is the brand (Lambert and Butler). Most Askern chavs are addicted from birth anyway- no one stops smoking for pregnancy. It is possible to buy cigarettes in Askern (or outlying villages) from age 12. Pregnancy before 16 is also a given. It is worth looking in the archive for Doncaster (Donny), much of the behaviour documented is to be found in Askern to a greater degree.

Their chav behaviour stays with them throughout, curiously adults tend to adopt the same dress-style as their offspring. This means that

Having lived here for almost 16 years, and moving to a large city, I can confirm that nowhere is as steeped in chav culture as this. ‘Kindred Spirit’ is the scent of choice, twenty-twenty the drink of all, trance the music Askern plays to.

I was amused to see ‘Burberry’ and ‘Tiffany’ listed on chavscum.co.uk – here these are not chav brands, instead they are brands to aspire to.

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