Ashton Under Lyne has got to be in contention for the ‘birthplace of Chav’. To say it is overrun by chavs is an understatement and on any outing to the shop for example, you are bound to see at least 10 chavs congregating round the entrance with their tracky bottoms tucked into their fake buberry socks and Rockies on. The only exception to this is when one of the Chavs is electronically tagged, then they roll their trackie legs up to show it off and wear it with pride.
The makers of stripey tops have made a mint round here with Paul and Shark, Lacoste, Elesse and Henri Lloyd making an absolute killing. It is Chav law round here that tracksuits must be sported with a stripey top, dri fit cap (worn at a daft angle), loads of sovereign rings and a gold chain worn outside the stripey top, Rockports usually do the trick for footwear but failing that Nike shox will suffice. If you are a female chav you must wear all of the above but have the added addition of a pair of massive 9 carrat gold hoops wth a name like ‘Jodie Lee’ tastefully added onto the inside.
The favourite past times of chavs in this corner of the world are smokin endless bags of weed, gettin pissed on the cheapest brandy possible(bought in half bottles from the shops they hang around outside). Pawning their grans stuff in a cash convertor and racing round residential streets at 70mph on their 10cc mopeds, no helmets required of course. Most female chavs have already got 2 kids by the time they leave school so their social life is restricted to takin the kids down the pub everyday and flicking through the Argos catalogue to source more pendants and rings with ‘worlds best mum’ written on them. It is chav law round here that all children of chavs must know 25 swear words before the age of 4.
Some of the chavs that actually work for a living, (for instance, packing sausages for 55 hours a week at Kerry Foods) can afford to upgrade from the obligatory Henri Lloyd to a Prada or Stone Island Jacket, which they spend virtually a months wages on, this is a completely different class of Chav known as a ‘weekend Prada wearer’. The Weekend Prada wearer will also snort cocaine (or chisel as they call it) all weekend in addition to smokin endless bags of weed. It is Chav law that the only music you can listen to is early 90’s happy hardcore/techno, drum and bass, Tupac or 50 cent.
When an Ashton chav has a fight which is approximately every hour, on the hour, they will always threaten that they know, ‘half of Salford’ and that with just one phonecall on their Nokia 8210 (which is hanging on a cord round their neck) they will be down. Failing that they are always a distant relative of some notorious Moss side gang such as ‘The Gooch’ or ‘Quality Street gang’ and they would be down if only they had some credit. As you can see Ashton is an absolute Mecca for all things Chav, come and have a look round you won’t be disappointed.