Ash is a picturesque little village in the heart of the Kentish countryside. At the heart of the ancient village, you will find many beautiful old cottages.
But what is particularly noteworthy are the co-op
(da’kowop) and the bus stop opposite, for here you will find many splendid examples of the local c**v population these species inclued da’chavstarz, chavetz, chavletz and also the common garden c**v.
Although you are bound to find examples of c**v in their local breeding-ground (i.e the local bus shelter) almost any day of the week, it is only on a Saturday afternoon that these creatures display their true colours. The male of the species (chavsta) can be found displaying his intellectual capacity while walking in the middle of the road with his shirt open (no doubt displaying his beautiful tattoed body – unresistable to any watching chavettes – but nauseating to the rest of humanity – assuming of course c***s are human!) Beer bottle in hand, shouting his favourite chart topping song. The kindest thing to do of course in this situation would be to run the stupid f**k over. I’m sure the local constable would understand but the thought of making all those millions of chavlets fatherless, for some reason, is to much to bear.
On second thoughts where are my car keys – I would be doing the world a favour!