If you look at Anerley, there never seem to be many reasons why it’s so full of *****. You appear to have a nice park with some luxurious houses opposite, and quaint little streets that would easily be at home in the middle of nowhere.

You have to look closer, and around to understand it. First off, the “nice park” you think you saw has a huge sewer at the end of it. Secondly, the “quaint little streets” are not quaint at all – look closer and you’ll discover that what could easily appear to be a house is infact a small block of flats, and sadly most of these flats are inhabited by more than one person – surely a severe health risk. The sad thing is that these houses were probably once very nice – but a look inside in this decade would give workers for the Shelter charity multiple heart attacks.

Also, look around you. At the top of Anerley Road, you have a junction with Croydon Road. Turn left here and you will find yourself outside Penge Sainsburys, which is the central shopping source of every single **** in Anerley – and believe me, that’s a lot of *****. If you get on a 358 bus on Anerley Road between 0900 and 1800, you can be guaranteed that some ***** will always get on or off at sainsbury’s.

Turn right at this junction and you enter Anerley’s council estate zone. Eventually it leads to Selhurst, which is about a mile’s walk down the road. It’s not worth the risk of walking it though, the fear of getting shot by a group of ***** would take over any normal person’s curiosity.

Anerley station is the worst **** hotspot in the suburb. With a once every half hour train service running to the three satanic surrey towns of Croydon, Wallington and Sutton, and also not being far from Anerley’s plethora of tacky newsagents, it’s no surprise that this is where all the wandering ***** are found.

All Anerley really is is a big road; Anerley Road. It’s not really even a suburb, and it’s already full of *****, it’s shameful. Anerley Road carries so much **** traffic and has a fair enough share of dingy council estates on it. If you walk up the road, you encounter three huge dips before arriving at the base of Anerley Hill, which leads to Crystal Palace.

Essentially, the green outside Crystal Palace station (which serves a line notorious for failing due to police inspecting incidents on the trains) could still be considered part of Anerley, so here’s my description: There is more Bubonic Plague in these bushes than there was in 1666. There are more vagrants sleeping on the bench than there are in the subway beneath Charing Cross Station. And finally, there are more ***** here than there are electrons in a pound of toffee. Beyond the derelict auction house lies Crystal Palace Park – once a great tourist attraction, now a great **** magnet.

Although it’s nowhere near as poisonous as it’s neighbouring suburb of Penge, Anerley is a wise one to stay clear of. Suicide rates from jumping off the bridge over Anerley station have risen dramatically these past few years – and why do you think that is?

Top 10 worst places to live in England 2020