Andover, stay away from this abysmal little town

I am at University of Liverpool at the mo, but used to live in what many refer to the ‘******* of the world’, that is Andover. As my family still lives there I have the unfortunate duty of going back there every few months to visit this ****-********, culture-free, hell-hole.

The Chantry centre is home to most ***** in Andover. You will find them there at almost any hour on any day, whether it be 11am in the morning, skiving of school (which are all shocking in Andover) or pissed at 7pm on cider. Typically they hang round the bus station, this is a good spot for them as it allows them to torment innocent passers-by to and from the bus station, as well as shoppers going to Waitrose which is situated adjacent to the bus stop. I have been caught on numerous occasions, called ‘grundger’ because I wear converse, or ‘girl’ because I have hair much longer than the traditional townie shaved head, or quiff, or that I do not insist on wearing a baseball cap tilted at the only accepted angle of 45 degrees. I have heard stories of ***** shunned from their interbred circles because this moronic fashion item has not been titled to this exact angle.

***** may also catch you on the way to the bus route. After a quiet drink one night (or as quiet as you can get in Andover) with my friends, I went to get the bus at about 6:45pm. Even at this early hour I was encountered by a 13-strong group of boozy 14 year old thickos, one of which challenged me with the old classic **** ‘i wanna fight’ line ‘watchya say abaaat ma muffa?’. After telling one to **** off, i was hit by one member of this gang of brutally ugly commoners (who for some reason insisted on wearing no shirt, despite his skinny frame). One of my friends was also lamped by another of these morons, who is quite possible the ugliest man on earth. Why are ***** always so ugly? Maybe that is another debate.

Getting a hair cut is even difficult in Andover. Once I was happily waiting to get my ears lowered, when some little **** started calling me a ‘grundga’. Do you listen to death metal rar rar! he yelled. No mate i don’t like metal i replied, **** off. Still he insisted on getting up in the middle of the hairdressers and singing some **** hip-hop song! Obviously off his face on some drug he started shouting at me ‘wankaaaa’, until he was escorted out of the chantry centre by security.

Maybe it is the complete lack of things to do in andover that makes it such a good home for all things ****. There is no culture unless you include turkish takeaway joints (Keskins is pretty damn good mind you), there is no cinema, no arts, no decent music, no decent venues, it is absolutely *****. Maybe it is the frequency of council estates (not saying all council estate ppl are bad, just most of them). Perhaps it is because Andover’s main attraction is the Tesco’s superstore, one of the main **** spotting sites in the town. It is one of the worst worst towns in England, its only slightly popular as it is on the direct train line to London. Take my advice boys and girls, stay away from this abysmal little town filled with the absolute **** and filth of England.

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