You may well remember my report last year on my **** ridden visit to Alton Towers. You will be sorry to hear that it is still as populated by ***** as it was last year.
One difference from last year was the weather. This year it was the humidity which turned **** fashion in a horrendous direction. There were no tight ‘Kiss Me’ jeans, but instead we had belts for skirts with all the repulsive stretch marks and flab from having little Courtney on view. It is shocking to see first hand just how many ********* are built like Jonny Vegas.
The prevalence of Burberry has definitely remained as have trackie bottoms. I also doubled my clown pendant sightings of 2005 in a few hours. I almost felt curious enough to stand next to a ******** on Nemesis to see what happens when big hoopy earings go upside down!
I will finish with a couple of Alton Towers cfhav avoiding tips.
1. Eat at Coutyard BBQ. Considered too posh by most ***** who prefer to stick to their branches of Macdonalds or KFC
2. Go to the kiddie bit. Even ***** with children prefer to go on the big rides while they leave little Britney screaming in her buggy.
3. The garden. **** free but be careful of being spat on from the cable car!