Alton, (Hants)

HampshireSouth East

My Chav-o-meter starts to smoke when I enter the town. On a Tue (market day) it blows up. For a small town it has a huge inbred count.

I would feel more safer in Iraq than Alton on market day. The chavs head for the market to buy ten thousand bags of cheese ‘n’ onion crisps to feed their baby chavs for a week.

Next stop on the chav tour is the Post Office where you have to avoid the over-weight single mums that hang outside the entrance. They sport the usal chav-wear: hooped earings, jogging bottoms, fag in one hand, kid in the other.

Other chav hang-outs are the job centre steps, outside the newsagents and lady-place car park where driver chavs can impress in their 1.1 saxo’s.

I know I am impressed by a Nova 1.4 wheel spinning in the wet. I can see why they get the girls, and I bet they buy them their chips and coke. Romance ah?

Yes Alton chavs come in all ages. It really is worth a visit, just walk along the high street and within a few minutes your chav count will be through the roof.

Want a fight? Try the local night club at weekends. One time about 250 inbred family members had a mass brawl outside…even the cops just left them to it.

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