Living in Thanet
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Kent, South East

We had been living in Thanet for nearly 5 years now, cannot wait to move away. If you can imagine a place that is the dumping ground for all that is wrong in society, Thanet is it. The locals take stupidity to a new level, just driving around you have to dodge motorists who drive at you, if you let them pass they thank you by sticking their fingers up at you, those who walk in front of your car, verbally abuse you just for the sake of it.

Shopping is a great joy, Margate high street is a sea of chavs, toothless weirdos snapping their gums at each other, while balancing a roll up on their bottom lip. Drunks slumped outside shop door ways, asking for spare change. Outside the job centre you will find fat, takeaway-fed people smoking a few fags before signing on, taking it in turns to look after each others staffy type dogs.

Most houses have been converted into flats, the residents decorate their front yards with smashed up wardrobes, piss stained mattresses, piles of black bags that have been ripped open by seagulls. Dog poo is everywhere on the pavements. The local chavs gather outside their houses kick footballs at passing cars, if you dare to look in their direction you will be greeted by a strange language that consists of grunts and swear words.

Someone from the council asked me how they can improve the area, my answer?

Drop an atom bomb on it.


  • Margaret Cheek

    You have written so well. This is the way I feel in my most gloomy moments. I do feel that Thanet has been ruled by an unseen mafia.Pub;land is the only gloss and brutish at that.We live in a majical part of Kent. The sea opens to France and adventures beyond. Sadly London has long seen Thanet as a place to dump London’s dispossessed from it’s council house clearances. I think the infection lies with Westminster, and Thanet is the gaping wound .The airport would have brought a mixed demographic. Richer and poorer together instead we will have a vast housing estate of rabbit hutch style just because London sees itself as an island as do the university towns and want to clear out their , in their eyes,rubbish people. There is no care to the regions of the UK. The northern seaside towns are as dismal as Thanet,There are streets and streets of Buy to Let housing owned by London landlords . Or here the Buy to Let Thanet monied who see themselves as elite on the backs of the half mad tenents. I think i would end up drunk and drugged myself if i were so treated.It is disgusting what has happened to Thanet. The councillors are bullied by the officers and I suspect Paulcarter is quite a nasty man too.The upshot is the loss the asset of a perfectly viable airport.

  • Aubi Faedra

    WELCOME TO THE PLANET THANET
    (ANON)
    The following Thanet comedy is in the public domain,
    so you are free to copy this over and again.
    That this is pure fiction we are forced to underline,
    so you can shove any injunction where the sun will never shine!
    We’ve been told that God created all the earth inside a week,
    but on the seventh day he gave it just one little tweak.
    For Britain looked like an animal upon the face of the planet,
    so he gave the animal an arsehole and promptly named it ‘Thanet’#
    No offence to Thanet and we don’t mean to be rude
    unless you work for government, in which case – ‘Go get screwed!’
    But when many people see this island in the light of day
    there are certain nasty things that will not go away.
    Like the godfathers of Thanet and all their crooked friends
    sucking out the blood from here to meet their selfish ends.
    but alas there are no pictures to put them in the frame
    so if they can be anonymous then we can be the same…
    We know that some aspire to being Thanet’s ‘Mister big’.
    but think instead of hiding they should come out like the Stig.
    Some say that they are ‘merchant bankers’ but all we know for sure
    is that these conniving villains are cowards to the core.
    Some believe that Thanet is under dark demonic curses
    and the god of hellfire is invoked with black satanic verses,
    and so we tried invoking the number of the beast
    but we couldn’t even summon up a dodgy Catholic priest.
    To live on Planet Thanet you need a sense of humour,
    If you hear that police keep order here it’s just a mindless rumour.
    It’s religion, TV, drugs and booze that keep it all in place.
    In all of its stupidity here is the human race…
    Welcome to the planet Thanet it is the tip of Kent,
    where streets are paved with chewing gum and councillors are bent.
    We have high unemployment here in dole-by-the-sea.
    We’ve had the worst school in the land and crime is running free.
    Come and see the planet Thanet this is the last resort.
    Ramsgate once sent more to jail than any magistrate’s court.
    The most teenage pregnancies and single mums and dads,
    We’ve had the dirtiest beaches here that anyone has had.
    Visitors to the Planet Thanet compare it with Beirut
    and the search for intelligent life goes on in these towns of ill repute.
    The most dangerous place that you can live official records say,
    but if you’re mugged you’ll get a receipt before they run away.
    2
    There are mysteries on the Planet Thanet where everyone’s spaced out.
    Like when things kept catching fire when there was nobody about.
    They say these were all acts of God. Deny it if you will,
    but in the end all of us know who paid the frigging bill.
    On the Planet Thanet they are building all around.
    If something’s standing in the way it gets burnt to the ground.
    They have their ‘Reichstag moment’ with a box of firelighters.
    Arson is quite common here but they never catch the blighters.
    Nowadays they are selling Planet Thanet by the pound
    and buyers come from overseas to plant things in the ground.
    And there is little doubt that any planting should do well,
    There’s more bullshit here than Texas. (-And more fires here than hell!)
    The development of the Planet Thanet is surely a dead loss.
    It can take an hour or more to get through Westwood Cross.
    so you write to the town planners with a very angry letter.
    ‘Inviting back the Luftwaffe could do the job much better!’
    Come down to the Planet Thanet where half the island’s pissed.
    If you don’t come here and visit us you won’t know what you’ve missed.
    This is the island of the dead our history records.
    Some say it has a lot in common with the House of Lords.
    Thanet has a beer fest so try our local ale,
    but drink it very carefully or risk a night in jail.
    Too much of this can lead one into causing an affray,
    with memory loss, a hangover and an ASBO the next day.
    Get drunk here on the Planet Thanet it’s sinking into the sea
    under the weight of the empty beer cans as far as the eye can see.
    And if you should decide to go out walking after dark,
    Then watch out for the hoodies and the woofters in the park.
    The Planet Thanet rocks along with hippies, Goths and rappers,
    rock and rollers, bikers, punks, drunken chavs and slappers.
    There’s nowhere else quite like it in fact it is unique.
    The Windsors should try living here they wouldn’t last a week.
    Retire to the Planet Thanet the home of Jolly Roger
    when you pass your sell by date and become a coffin dodger.
    With a pension and a bus pass and a really nice sea view.
    you’ll still end up getting pissed because there’s nothing else to do.
    For years the Planet Thanet has been a dumping ground
    for the elderly, the disabled and the mentally unsound.
    Then there’s the city overspill the homeless and the spent
    and anyone unwanted in another part of Kent.
    Down here on the Planet Thanet, (the home of honest John)
    you could wake up in the morning and find your wallet gone.
    You’ll be taken for a ride so book a guided tour
    and maybe even catch something for which there is no cure.
    3
    Greetings from the Planet Thanet where everyone is nuts.
    The light at the end of the tunnel’s turned off due to government cuts.
    If you come down to Margate to see a pantomime
    you could end up stranded here until the end of time.
    Because on the Planet Thanet you will hear from local trains
    that the line is closed in springtime due to heavy rains.
    There are fires on the line in summer and autumn brings wet leaves
    and in the winter ‘the wrong kind of snow’ if anyone believes.
    The pavements of the Planet Thanet are a filthy sight.
    The seagulls raid the bin bags before they all take flight.
    Then they’ll get your washing and your windows and your car.
    Barnes Wallace must have trained them because they never miss by far.
    If you come to the Planet Thanet there’s surf and sea and sand,
    and we have the only royal harbour anywhere in the land.
    Sometimes the smell is staggering when the south wind blows,
    but this is England’s arsehole, as everybody knows.
    The language of the Planet Thanet is far beyond compare.
    It is the best place you can come if you want to learn to swear.
    but the standard of the English here is something quite absurd.
    As these folk are often stoned their speech is badly slurred.
    ‘Ramzgit? Das in Fannit – innit?’ You might hear them say,
    but if you get lost don’t ever bother asking them the way,
    Or you will soon discover that they’re far more lost than you.
    A situation caused by several cans of ‘special brew’.
    A landmark on the Planet Thanet is the project ‘Thanet Earth’.
    The biggest greenhouse in the country now for what it’s worth,
    supplying home-grown vegetables to the local shops.
    Some say it could make lots more money from some ganja crops.
    There are landlords on the Planet Thanet just in it for the cash.
    Their tenants live in poverty and filth and squalor and trash.
    The answer given on the phone if they dare to complain,
    ‘The landlord’s not available he’s somewhere out in Spain!’
    Planet Thanet jobcentres always have a queue.
    You can spend all day there like you’ve nothing else to do.
    ‘So what is green and gets you stoned?’ We heard a man once say.
    His friend replied ‘A giro!’ and went upon his way.
    The recession on the Planet Thanet has now gone off the chart.
    If you are in a two-man tent it’s as welcome as a fart.
    The kids here go on Viking raids and make it their career,
    so make sure things are nailed down before they disappear.
    You see our Planet Thanet’s not a land of milk and honey.
    There’s very little work and so it’s always short of money.
    In fact it’s fair to say there’s very little here at all.
    and almost everybody has their backs against the wall.
    4
    There are things on Planet Thanet that will mess you up for good
    Courtesy of city gangsters working in the hood.
    They have been known to hold a few bent coppers in their hands.
    Sometimes things can happen here that no one understands.
    The manners on the Planet Thanet are like you’ll never see.
    Pig ignorance and rudeness are a speciality.
    You’ll hear some Anglo-Saxon words every time they speak.
    If you use Oxford English you’ll be treated as a freak.
    Most visitors to the Planet Thanet say it’s a filthy place.
    Upon the map of Britain it is surely a disgrace.
    There are too many problems here for anyone to sort
    or a number of our residents might find themselves in court.
    But Planet Thanet criminals are protected by the law.
    The drug dealer the shoplifter the mugger and the whore.
    So when they are arrested in this locality
    it is more than likely that the law will set them free.
    The good folk of the Planet Thanet tolerate this farce
    and pander to a ‘nanny state’ that’s fallen on its arse.
    Things change very little due to apathy and fear.
    Pretend it isn’t happening and buy another beer.
    See the unique Planet Thanet managed by very fat cats.
    Where teenage girls get pregnant just to get their council flats.
    There are people living on the streets but no one has a list
    because local authorities deny that they exist.
    Planet Thanet ministers are Mackinlay and Gale.
    Ladyman and Sandys are gone and Jon boy went to jail,
    And as Thanet goes from bad to worse they will want your vote.
    All this just makes you want to put your fingers down your throat.
    And although our Planet Thanet might make you want to puke.
    The only way to solve its problems now would be a nuke.
    You won’t see this on the Internet or written down in books.
    That’s because the entire island’s owned by frigging crooks.
    In Thanet’s darkest corners the fraudsters will conspire.
    You might even glimpse a councillor in Arabic attire.
    A handshake in the lodge confirms another dodgy deal.
    What they lack in consciences is make up for in ‘spiel’.
    In Margate Thanet the Turnip Center should show a local poser.
    How about some phony banknotes signed by Cyril Hoser?
    Designed with some artistic skill so it has been said,
    and just as much a work of art as Emin’s unmade bed.
    So it seems that Planet Thanet has been left out in the cold.
    You might grow some cabbages but soon you’ll just grow old.
    It’s hard to find a way out with so many stumbling blocks.
    The only sure way to escape is in a wooden box.
    5
    Some folk come to Planet Thanet to simply disappear.
    Runaways can change their name and start a new career,
    but living on this island always takes its toll.
    Eventually they realise they’ve entered a black hole.
    On the Planet Thanet life expectancy is low.
    Alcohol and smoking are the cause statistics show.
    Between the rich and poor the void continues to expand,
    so in the end it all depends upon which side you stand.
    Visit Planet Thanet if you think you can stand it.
    Use a local taxi and you’ll meet a licensed bandit.
    Be familiar with the route and don’t let them take over,
    or if you ask for Cliftonville you’ll get there via Dover.
    Drivers on the Planet Thanet call it ‘Pot-hole City’.
    The reason they are given – ‘There’s no money in the kitty’,
    and as soon as it’s repaired they’ll only dig it up again
    then come up with some lame excuse like ‘It’s a broken drain’.
    This is part of Thanet council’s ‘disrupt the traffic scheme’.
    Their only real objective is to want to make you scream.
    They’ll dig a hole and walk away and not come back for ages.
    Never mind the taxpayers that pay their bloody wages.
    Planet Thanet naturists have nowhere to hang out.
    ‘We don’t want it here!’ The local residents all shout.
    These senile prudes are past it, that’s why they all campaign.
    Their miserable existence makes their motives all too plain.
    A Thanet nude photographer, who works in black and white,
    takes pictures in the churchyard and some say he has no right
    to use the Margate cemetery tombs for snapping nudes upon,
    but how much can it really matter if they’re dead and gone?
    This is Planet Thanet in all of its confusion,
    where Muslims, Jews and Jesus freaks practise their delusion.
    And born again plankton come knocking at your door.
    If you used to think the world was nuts – well now you know for sure.
    Thanetonians sometimes have an invisible friend. It’s true!
    A man who lives up in the sky and tells them what to do.
    He reads their thoughts and watches them right around the clock,
    and they demand respect for this moronic poppycock!
    Come to Planet Thanet and visit Ramsgate market.
    Don’t bother with your car because there’ll be nowhere to park it.
    and remember to be careful when you shop around the town;
    there are grannies here on scooters who will try to mow you down.
    It seems the name of Ramsgate Thanet is subject to debate
    as to whether it’s from the wool trade, garlic, mud or Romansgate.
    And though the most ridiculous of ideas have been heard,
    its true name comes from ‘raven’, a crafty scavenging bird.
    6
    Sometimes Thanet shopkeepers will catch you on the hop
    so just make sure you check your change before you leave the shop.
    In this dark corner of England nothing is ever hurried,
    For here it’s said that men are men and sheep always look worried.
    Planet Thanet has more cowboys than there are in Dodge
    so many ambitious projects will end up in a bodge.
    Then, just like Houdini, they will vanish in thin air.
    If you think you’ll see your cash again you haven’t got a prayer.
    There are Fascists on the planet Thanet who think that they keep order.
    Little men in uniform who live on sanity’s border.
    These are the control freaks who say ‘You can’t do that here!’
    Any further up their own arses and they should disappear.
    This is Planet Thanet an island on its knees
    begging, praying, taking drugs or looking for its keys.
    If this is evolution by natural selection
    you may as well vote ‘raving loony’ in the next election.
    If ever you should call on Thanet Council for assistance
    they’re busy making paperwork to justify existence.
    Now they may try to tell you that what they do is ‘right’,
    but they’ll be down the ‘latex dungeon’ later on that night.
    On the Planet Thanet there is noise both day and night,
    jackhammers or sirens or a low flying Manston flight,
    and though you might be trying very hard to keep your calm,
    you’re on your way to book a place at the Thanet funny farm.
    This is Planet Thanet the isle of parakeets.
    It also has more than its share of frauds and liars and cheats,
    and when they get to run the place there is no end of dramas.
    so perhaps it’s not surprising that it’s driving us bananas.
    So on the Planet Thanet politicians often shout
    but no one wants to listen to the drivel that they spout.
    If anyone should question what their manifesto lacks,
    they’ve always got some whitewash to cover up the cracks.
    For years the Planet Thanet has suffered from pollution
    and so they thought a wind farm would be a good solution.
    No one dares to talk about the overpopulation.
    This island has a lot of problems of its own creation.
    That’s why the Planet Thanet is a blot upon the map;
    Two hundred thousand people create a lot of crap.
    Too many folk discard their mess for someone else to clean.
    This ailing environment is very far from ‘green’.
    Planet Thanet residents travel far and wide,
    but never mention where they’re from – that’s social suicide.
    A reputation follows them everywhere they roam,
    for folk will say ‘the lights are on but there’s nobody at home!’
    7
    ‘Keep planet Thanet beautiful’ the local council say,
    but they live in cloud cuckoo land a million miles away.
    They know cosmetic fixes and temporary repairs,
    but don’t they know it’s far too late and no one really cares?
    The leadership of Planet Thanet say they do their best
    but all this claptrap’s just a path to feathering ones nest.
    and that’s why this forsaken island has so many boozers.
    Globally it must home to the biggest bunch of losers.
    Many folk on the Planet Thanet are scared to venture out
    imprisoned by the lawlessness outside there is no doubt.
    Abandoned by the government and failed by its leaders,
    manipulating Thanet are some very dodgy bleeders.
    There was a Thanet councilor who’s known to some as Zeke
    found guilty of misconduct and up before the beak.
    Misusing inside information was the charge he faced
    and ended up with eighteen months and thoroughly disgraced.
    He headed Thanet council for seven years or so.
    So how come this crook was not found out a long, long time ago?
    Well, on our local council things are never rushed,
    nothing’s ever properly dealt with and some things just get hushed.
    This is Planet Thanet the land that time forgot
    In urgent need of special treatment now to stop the rot.
    It seems patently obvious we’ve all been bloody conned,
    and they couldn’t sort this mess out now if they had a magic wand.
    UKIP’s Nigel Farage made Planet Thanet his choice
    and said he planned to give the folk of Thanet South a voice.
    Another aspiring campaigner trying to win support,
    but politicians promises have always fallen short.
    Planet Thanet residents have heard it all before,
    to them it has the value of the flotsam on the shore.
    There are certain things that we have learnt along the way;
    like – ‘He who talks the loudest usually has the least to say.’
    So as planet Thanet suffers under more financial cuts,
    the people who could change things here just haven’t got the guts.
    Cover-ups, corruption and double standards is the style
    that hides behind an obviously artificial smile.
    We heard that Thanet council say their offices are small
    and need some larger premises just to hold them all.
    They really are so full of it but many are of the view
    that if they all had an enema you could fit them in a shoe!
    It just remains to say that Planet Thanet stays the same;
    A filthy run down island for which no one takes the blame.
    And painted on the Isle of Thanet’s graffiti covered bricks#
    ‘Sack all the bloody government – They’re a useless bunch of pricks!’