Posted by & filed under Devon, South West, United Kingdom.

Welcolme To Torquay- The Resort of Chav Culture.

Torquay is the home of the 24hr Chav lifestyle. Out of the ghettos of Hele village, Chelston and Ellacombe arise the unqustionable scum of the Torquay Chav.
A usual week day for a Torquay chav usually invovles scoring some of the most dirty plastic-infested shoe polish ridden cannabis resin and smoking ‘shotties’ in the back of a stolen Nova. As the night draws in it is not uncommon to here the piercing sound of a Scooter album pass you by as the young Chavs drive there pile of sh*** modded cars to congregate to the Mecca of the Torquay Chav, Staples car park. Here the ‘clans’ of Chavs disperse into there various groups in the different end of the car park. Anybody seen joining the visiting gang of Paignton or Exeter chavs will be hurled with abuse and threatening stairs. Opposite Staples car park McDonald’s drive through is jam packed with drain-pipe exhaust fitted 1litre engined Ford and Vauxhalls waiting to wine and dine there awaiting 13 yr old Chavette girlfriends with milkshake and nuggets. It is not uncommon for the shocked and distressed parents of these young girls to come and rescue them from the gangs of Torbay chavs from the car park.
With Friday here and benefits safely in the Torquay Chav’s traccy pockets its time to make the annual meet at Claires nightclub to get wasted on Torquay’s finest amphetamine and ecstacy that has more incommon with Flash microcleaner and rat poison than what there Paignton Chav dealer told them they were buying. As the Chav mob bounces up and down to some of the worst house and trance ever devised at 500 beats per minute, any poor DJ who trys to slip in some tasteful slower house music will be immediatelty shouted at and cursed. The usual reaction to this involves shouting ‘aarder fastaaa what the fook is this s****” your killing my high!’ as the angry mob slams there fists on the DJ box and head for Room 2 and try and impress the Chavettes with their moves to the latest 50 Cent track.
As kick-out time approaches, Torquays streets are laiden with drunk easy pickings for the Chavs. They usually wait till about 2.30pm, when most of the older harder piss heads have gone home and all that can be found is absolutely wasted young innocents trying to find there homes. These innocents will be descended on by usually a gang of 5 burberry boys between the ages of 11-18 who want to prove themselves by imprinting there sovereign rings onto the forehead of the poor individual who is usually unconscious before the incident thankfully. As the Chavs add to there pockets its time to go and celebrate in the early morning by heading to the Chelston ‘pretty-park’ to poor shampoo into the natural stream and terrorise local residents with amateur firework displays.
For the rest of the weekend the local Chavs can be seen wondering around Torquay town centre outside JJB sports and Torquay’s central McDonalds. Behing central McDonalds is a network of small alley ways leading to the multistorey and Abbey Road. It is not uncommon to find many Chavs on patrol in this area and slumped heroine addicts alike, heading to the benches outside the town hall to score there latest hit. This only aids the Torquay Chav economy so they can head to Liddles to buy cheap Vodka and cheap sausage rolls in the bargain basket for the kids.
The Chav children are left to walk there pit-bull terriors around such areas as Hele. Usually on these fond journeys of the enthusiastic juveniles enjoyable games are played such as ‘who can slash the most tyres on this street’ and ‘who can steal the most from the Hele co-op’. As they head home from there days out on the street on there micro-scooters they impress mum with there latest takings. If they impress enough Mum might slip them cheap dessert and a Lambert and Butler for there troubles.

As you can see, Torquay Townie culture makes Torquay the ultimate Chavtropolis. And now it is even attracting Chavs from around the UK, mainly Liverpool and Scotland, so much is the National appeal of this dreary town.

  • OP

    Camelford

  • Sally Whatnot

    I barely recognise the town you describe and I have lived here for a good few years! It’s not great but it’s really not that bad!
    An amazing read though!

  • Michael L

    Please leave Ellacombe out of this, it is not a poor ghetto. Egerton Road there is one of the nicest streets in the country. I went to Torquay this late Sept.2012, walking round Wellswood/Babbacombe/St Marychurch/Plainmoor/Ellacombe on Mon Sept 24th ’12. Chelston I visited earlier that day, near where I stayed in Torre, does not seem bad either.

  • L Reux

    The places where this scum come from need to be thank full we are hosting them, so why don’t you people who wright this hateful garbage put your money where your mouth is and help our local council and public service to clear up your mess, or ask the councils where they have come from to take them back.

  • Peter Knows

    The trouble with Torquay is that scum has moved in from all corners of the UK.