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Posts Tagged ‘birmingham’

smiths wood ( weezy town )

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possibly the worse area in the is my story.

i met a guy at a bar in birmingham city centre,we exchanged numbers and chatted for weeks via text & on the phone,we met up after about 3 months and we went to various bars/restraunts/cinemas ect. i seemed to really get on with him so when he asked me if i would go to his house as his mom would really like to meet me i was more than willing.the drive there was awful,as we had to drive through such places as chelmsley wood,kingshurst,shard end but nothing could prepare me for what i was about to witness.
as we arrived in smiths wood i was mortified,there was nothing but 3 story houses ‘town houses’ (for all the chavettes and their 8 unfortunate children) and high rise flats (for the beginner chavettes with only 3 children)   as far as the eye could see. when we pulled up ‘outside’ his ‘old ladys’ house i was surprised to find out that infact we werent outside,we had to walk through 3 alley ways to get to the actual house,situated in an alleyway its self was his mothers shabby, yellow netted, single glazed swamp,oh i mean house. as we walked through the doorway i was instantly hit with the smell of cat pee,wet dogs and chip fat. his mom was sitting at the kitchen table with her 3 other elderly freinds, all with reebok tracksuits, 4 rings on each finger , 7 ‘gold’ chains with dolls hanging off them , hair scraped on top of the head in a ‘scrunchie’ smoking sterling superkings, drinking GLENS VODKA  and swearing like it was going out of fashion at half 3 on a wednesday afternoon. His sister then walked down the stairs to greet me “yo b, you kool? your d one dats checking my bro yeh? ‘  she looked  and acted just like his mother but a youger version with bleached blonde hair and black roots 5inchs long, she then introduced me to her 9 month old son ‘takiary’ , yes his sister was only 15. his mom asked us to go to the ‘**** shop’ and get her some more lemonade for the vodka. i offered to drive but the lad said it was only a couple of minutes away, after walking through what can only be describe as ‘alley way hell’ for 10 minutes i arrived at ‘aaron way’ a row of shops that i wouldnt buy my dogs food from never mind my own. hanging outside select & save were his ‘BREDGRINS’ he introduced me to them , one of them said ‘wargwarn posh girl.i kno say u ent from the weez’ i replied ‘the weez?’ they all found this very amusing, the lad i was with suggested we ‘crank off for a bit wif his boys’  considering they were all 19-23 i didnt quite understand why he referred to them as his boys,but anyway we stood outside of the shops while his freinds rolled joints of canabis and smoked them in broad daylight, ‘bunnin down the high grade cheese’ must of got boring to them as then they all started ‘rapping’ and shouting THREE SIX WEEZY SWARR ! over and over again. hurling abuse at the men that worked in select and save  just because they were asian and doing anything else aggressive or annoying. then one of the ‘boys we were hangin wif’ (lol) girlfreind turned up with her 2 children under the age of 3 and started hurling abuse at me ‘ARE U THE DIRTAY TRACKER DATS BIN f**kIN MY MAN,ARE U DUMB BITCH ,I WILL FUK U UP, HES MY BABY DAD AND U THINK U CAN TAKE HIM,I DONT THINK SO,HES GOT A YOUT WITH ME SO HE AINT GOIN NOWHERE.THREE SIX WEEZY TOWN,GET TO KNOW’ i persumed this girl was no older than 17 as her vocabulary was very poor.i returned to my car and never ever went back there again. worse experience of my life.
i never advise anyone to go there.ur not safe even if you are with ‘ONE OF DA TOP BOYS FROM WEEZY TOWN’ lol !

West Midlands – The Chav County

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Having frequented many of the finest Chav hotspots in the West Midlands i’m sure there can nowhere in the country that comes close to the level of Chavness the West Midlands has to offer.

In the East of the region there is a city so chavy the name was devised fully expecting an impending influx of scum. This can be no other inbred hellhole than Chaventry. In the 2 years I spent in this deprived s**t box I never once spotted anyone under the age of 18 without a Burberry cap and NBA basketball vest. The ring-road road signs contain an A-Z of chav towns while constantly directing you around the road to hell. Leaving this place is near impossible, a reason why the locals manage to have no idea of any life outside the dump. The highest concentration of chav’s in the known universe can be found in the Skydome area, a venue so densly populated with white cider drinking louts and lambrini drinking chavette’s it should be an NHS walk-in unit. But the existence of the only saving grace in this cesspit – The National Motor Museum – the only collection of cars within 20miles that isn’t purely Citroen Saxo’s and Corsa’s saves this from being no.1 on the West Midlands chav list.

A town fast rising up the on the chavdar is Stourbridge. Once the envy of Dudley, Halesowen and Black Country residents this place is now the weekend haunt of anyone with £1.60 for the bus fare but not the £3 trainfare into Birmingham. Exclusive venues like the Lloyds No1, Que Pasa and the jewel in the crown Chicago’s will be more than willing to take extortionate amounts of money off you in exchange for lager or plutonium coloured alcopop’s. But beware, anyone not drinking Stella will be immediately glassed by some footballer’s jumper wearing try-hard and then kicked around the floor via his Rockport’s for being ‘a gayer’. Even Paris Hilton couldn’t enjoy a night here.

Broad Street, Birmingham is THE place for chavs to visit for a night out. A small nuclear device on a Saturday night encompassing Lloyd’s N01 (officially the chavest bar in the city) Walkabout (kid chav heaven) Reflex (single mom central) and The Riza, is the only hope for this one great area. Bringing the creme-de-la-creme of chavs together from as far afield as Northfield, Longbridge, Yardley Wood, Erdington and Stechford (all worthy of an individual paragraph) this is truly the hotspot for the scum of Birmingham. Chav’s on the prowl hanging out car windows as they crawl up the road; chav’s in jumpers and white trainers throwing up copious amounts of Magners at 3am; chav’s fighting with bouncers, police and taxi wardens; chav’s spilling burrito down their Henleys t-shirt; chav’s arguing with their beer fueled mates; chavette’s passed out on the pavement with their lady garden’s on show; chav’s only coming out after getting completely slaughtered at home on QC Sherry; chav’s racially abusing taxi drivers, yes, Broad Street has it all! Come along and see for yourself, or maybe not.

Dudley – The land that time forgot. This place contains the worst 2 tourist attractions in the country, more chav villages than Liverpool (been there too, its woeful) and an out of town shopping centre that broke the mould for cruising levels and fast food venues. The castle – completed in 1530 is one of the more modern buildings in the town and had the unfortunate position of overlooking the entire centre. The Wren’s Nest estate or the Renner, Pensnett, Gornal, Netherton, Brockmoor and Tividale are particular lowlights and should be avoided on foot at all costs. The chav-ratio in these areas is unbelievably high and they can generally be found loitering around the local corner shop or chaving it up on a mini motorbike on the local park. Unfortunately the adult population of Dudley doesn’t help the situation, the Love and Hate knuckled single mothers build up their kids expectations so high by showing them the unachievable delights of Poundland and promising them a day out at the Zoo their only option is a life of fake designer chavwear, Blue WKD and crime. If you do end up in Dudley and want to escape the hum drum life of the chavpit, unlucky, it’s impossible. This is surely the chav capital of the West Midlands, which is in turn the Chav capital of the UK.