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“Selston, Selston” so s**te i named it twice. From the age of 11-18 i was educated in this wrong village on the edge of the Nottinghamshire/Derbyshire border.

A small-minded ex-mining village with more scutters than many of its bigger counterparts, Selston really is a quite, quite special place to be!

Chavs of all ages are the norm in Selston, and if you buy your own car from somewhere other than “YES car credit” you are seen to be upper-class. Screaming mothers, as young as fourteen are the dish of the day, and if you live to 20 without conceiving, your fertility is brought into question.

As the only “Supermarket”, Somerfield (commonly known as Scummyfield) really monopolises on this position by offering overpriced products to those too intellectually challenged to realise. With a Hot chicken counter and delicatessen, droves of blossoming chavs from the local comp, can be seen abusing staff at lunchtimes!

For others, the Family Planning Clinic (every Wednesday lunchtime) run from the neighbouring Doctors Surgery, is the place to be seen. Scores of pre-pubescent girls, up to their tits in budgie-blue eyeshadow and orange foundation, can be seen leaving proudly clutching little paper bags of Durex. For some of them a carrier bag might be more appropriate. It is most sobering to see that many of these are simply discarded on the street, and that the girls you see collecting them, are the ones going back for pregnancy tests a fortnight later.

Although Selston does have many, many bad points, the Wise Plaice Takeaway and Chip Shop, really does offer the best food for miles around. It is inadvisable to visit during lunchtime as its handy location, means trainee gobby slappers and burberry boys from the local comp can visit with ease during the lunch break, on the way back from the clap clinic, or a thieving session chez Scummy.

A community centre attached to the school is the setting for the majority of the chav-meetings in the area, girls from 13 can be seen in buttock skimming skirts and creoles, entering and leaving various chav wagons here. Many get their 24 year old dole-scum boyfriends to pick them up after school here, as it makes for a more dramatic exit than the school bus.

There are many public houses in the region, with the White Lion being a popular choice for underage drinkers. For those with childlike looks, it is all the rage to threaten passers by entering Somerfield to purchase beer and for them, using their pocket money. If you dare to refuse be prepared for a saliva showering, or punctured tyres upon return.

The surrounding fields are excellent locations for drug taking activities and two-upping the local slappers away from prying eyes, whereas the younger chavs and chavettes favour the recreational grounds spotted around the village.

Nottingham Road, really is the best thing that was ever built in Selston, as it means you can escape at top speed, and laugh at the chavs kicking the s**t out of the bus shelters in the process.

  • willy1

    I have lived in selston for many years. Firstly its a village not a town. It has what you would expect from a village doctors,schools.shops.pubs and two resturants. For the un educated it also has exellent road links and is surrounded by employment zones,which means there is no excuse for not finding a job of some type. If you had been here for long you would realise where it sits in relationship to notts/derby,sheff and leicester. That is why it is now an expensive urban area which has seen property prices quadruple since the late 90,s. SO all hail selston its not london but its a long way from being a chav town. However the ashfield area does have a bad rep for people living the J Kyle lifestyle.


    Thanks for this information. I was thinking of moving to Selston- I shall not now

  • Kayleigh

    Whoever wrote this clearly doesn’t know selston that much their isn’t even a summerfield here…

  • Parklanetyres

    Just read this I lived in Selston for over 23years before moving to Kirkby in Ashfield. I’m currently looking to move back, I miss the place.

    We have good and bad in every village, town, city or country. Selston is what you make it ive always found the people of Selston to be polite and loyal.

    Thanks Andy.

    01623 750710
    (Between Selston and Kirkby in Ashfield)

  • Louise

    Oh my god! I have just moved to Broadmeadows from Hertfordshire and was looking at moving to a beautiful new build in Selston. I am shocked by the information given above and now very concerned. Thank you for all of this honesty, if it wasn’t for all of you I would have moved there no problem, it looks so beautiful. I am quite honestly in shock. Is there a council estate in selston because I thought all the houses look quite upper class. Should I stay in Broadmeadows? Any response is very much welcomed

    • kayleigh

      It isn’t like that at all trust me I live here. I went to school with people round here and their are some amazing people

  • Conrad

    Beautifully written!

  • callum mannion pinxton

    Selston is amazing im just a c**k sucking twat

  • callum mannion pinxton

    I agree its a sh*twhole

  • Selston-Brapp

    f**k you prick get back into selston and seee what ya get d**k ed man

  • Danny Hudge

    Hey guys your all bull sh*tting and selston isn’t that bad too be honest lived here for a while know and yes there maybe some fukin chavs about at night around 10 o clock but if you don’t like them why bull sh*t about it come on most of you mother f**kers don’t even live around this area yet you leave sh*tty comments. Come on if you don’t like it here f**k off find a new house and stop commenting on this and find a new fukin place to live. You make it sound like all you do is fukin moan and complain so get a fukin life grow up…..

  • http://nocomment tobias kerins

    The parish of Selston is a great pleace to live and get on in. It is just a shame you let them Liverpudlian motherf**kers in, they so ruin fabric of the community, here’s to you all, LMFAO

  • Count Winklebottom

    Born and bred in Selston 35 years ago.

    The poster that said they have never seen anybody with socks tucked in must be walking around with blinkers on? This was once a great place to live, everybody got on well together and there was regular work to be had. Now it’s a case of do what the little f**kers tell you as they seem to be untouchable. When you get a little older you begin to realise that there are more and more scroungers around this festering sesspit than honest hard working people. The skate park is a joke and is in the daftest place you could think of putting one. A place this big does not even have a decent Butchers or veg shop. It’s a hollow hole with nothing to fill it. You cannot even get a bus to McArthur Glen, Pinxton or Annesley. But as long as us Honest hard working people keep coughing up then it’s fine as long as the youth can do what the hell they want.

  • rewster

    you have obviously never lived in stanton hill, st annes and east london! I have lived in all them places and believe me, selston is a god send to them places. yeah, it may not be perfect. but i haven’t been shot, stabbed or had lead stolen off my roof!. every place has chavs. all you have to do is not to take any sh*t off them. they’re only kids!. jesus, what would you lot be like in a real rough plce? you don’t know how easy you have it compared to some people in this country.

  • Darwin

    I realise the initial post was made before it was built, but I think there needs to be some kind of award for the skate park. Chav magnet!
    The parish council should pat themselves on the back for building a platform for little chavscum kids to hurl sh*t at passing cars and generally trash the place. If you all victim to this. Dont bother with the police, its a waste of time.

  • Leigh

    Funny.. I used to live in the town next door to Chatham, home of the word chav (chatham average, argued about with chelmsford). Selston is by no means a chavtown.

    It might not be as buzzing as some of the other local towns, and is close to BNP central, but its reallly not that bad a place to live. There are the usual kids with hoodies and caps, but that is young people trying to blend in. I’ve never seen checked clothing, shoes with trackie bottoms, trackie bottoms tucked in to socks, nor huge gold clowns attached to necklaces.

    Worst thing about Selston is the £25 cab ride home from notts. Still, I get to live in a 4 bed detached house..

  • joseph.

    After living in Selston for 90% of my life, it didn’t take long for me to realise what a sorry state of affairs this place is in.

    Lacking education and industrial investment, occupational opportunities and entertainment that doesn’t involve a bottle of 20/20 and a fingerbang with Mary-Jane Rottencrotch, Selston like many of it’s local counterparts is merely a relic to an era gone by with much of the residents in an uncertain situation. those that want to get anywhere in life do the right thing and go elsewhere (or at least commute), be it for education or work.

    The other side of the coin is that, being next to the M1 it’s not difficult to escape from the place. This has created somewhat of a satellite community of commuters to Selston, particularly in regard to where the new housing developments are. However, most refuse to integrate with the community and in many cases their kids are sent to other schools (such as Bluecoats, Nottingham High or even Ockbrook in South Derbyshire) which leads to their children having few-to-zero friends where they live.

    So there’s your choices; the sh*t-chucking apes that worship the XBox and BBC Three programming or the sneering fatuous upper-middle class nuclear families that pander to every whim of their equally grotesque trustafarian children that demonstrate shallower integrity than a subject on My Super Sweet 16.

    Selston is by no means the worst in this area though – this nauseating award goes to Pinxton or Ironville for shamelessly being generally dreadful.

  • kirstt

    Iv never agreed so much with that…
    I live in Selston and have for a while and i go to matthew holland which is now selston arts and community collage and its a really awfull place to be educated. In year 9 half off the girls are smoking weed and anything else they can get hold of. They all have boyfriends who are alot older then them and the lads just disrespect everyone and everything. Great article Completly right and i would advice people not to move there!

  • bigsid

    you sad pair of clowns
    get out of your own backsides and stop trying to pull the decent people of selston down by being so naive.
    theres good and bad in everything and im just so glad that your so enlightened to be giving us all your valuable opinions.
    go back to brown town and dig one in the arm with a dirty pin you sad c**ts.

  • DucdelaRochefoucauld

    Known by residents of Nottinghamshire and Derbyshire as “Bandit Country”, the area along the Notts/Derbys border is full of the chavviest towns in Christendom, as the disappearance of the coal industry removed the last iota of self-respect from the working class. Any sympathy you might feel for these victims of aggressive macro-economics instantly dissipates on actually meeting one. I was fortunate enough to attend Eastwood Comprehensive School, as Eastwood is the Chelsea of Bandit Country, envied by Aldercar, Kimberley, Heanor and Selston alike, a shining City on the Hill. Thus when Julie-Anne Dawn came to my school from Selston, she was mocked as a chav, which to be fair, she was, even to the chavs of Eastwood Comp. Quite sad, really, she once told me she wanted to be a barrister. I really hope she makes it, though something tells me that life in Selston does not support that kind of ambition.