Runcorn, Merseyside, Property Guide
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Merseyside, North West, United Kingdom

Runcorn, slum of the northwest, home to the most despicable form of chav (around here they are fondly known as scallies).

Basically, Runcorn is full of the type of people who shouldn’t have been allowed to enter the gene pool, but as if that isn’t bad enough, they have interbred to produce pure scum. The chavvy offspring can barely read and write, their prefix of choice being “F**kin”, in the thickest, plastic Scouse accent. These wrong ‘uns like to get kitted out in tasteful attire from any of the following: Allsports, Sports Direct, Action Replay (a Liverpool sportswear chain), Action Replay Girl, JJB Sports (has a credit book so all of the dossers claiming every benefit going, can get kitted out in free Reebok clothing) all concentrated in the Halton Lea shopping Centre (where they’re allegedly paid to make the place look full), and Runcorn market.

The Halton Lea is where they all congregate and pick up welfare. they also try and get more money from the accident claims shop, and like to spend their well earned benefits in places like Poundland, Poundstretcher, gambling arcade, Warren James jewellery (worse than H Samuel), H Samuel, the aforementioned sports shops. The car park is where the boyracers have the “meet” i.e. where they show off their kev’d up Ford Focus (alloys and an ugly body kit).

Bank Chambers where you are guaranteed to find scallies having sex in the back alley (these are 14 year olds mind), and the blokes snort coke on the dance floor. Also allegedly where Nicola (from girls aloud) has allegedly visited (one of the chavs working in McDonalds was going to sell his story to the News of the World; probably because working in McD’s doesn’t earn enough for H Samuels sovereigns and Lacoste tracksuits). The boys all think that they are Eminem, and deal in drugs and guns. (This is all true, believe it or not, they are all experiences from SCHOOL).

There are plenty of cornershops and chippy’s where they all hang around and harass anything that moves to buy them “ciggies” or White Lightning.

There are also plenty of ruffian pubs that are frequented by scallies, especially on a sunday for a sunday dinner of chips and gravy, washed down with a pint. Also, there are plenty of baby scallies left to their own devices, usually swearing at people by the bar. Fights (usually over who has impregnated ones mother/aunty/sister; more likely daughter or grandmother), bottlings and stabbings are all guaranteed.

Runcorn also has ICI, so there are plenty mutants. Also, the world famous bridge connecting us to Widnes means that there are 2x the scroungers, Runcorn is completely saturated with the jobshy pikeys overrun by 14 yr old girls with babies called Chantelle, Kyle or Beyonce, obnoxious little scrotes called Kev or Ste who wear their Burberry caps at a precise 45 degree angle, and those truly horrific clown pendant necklace things. I got out of that dump 3 years ago, and i still wake up screaming. I know i’ve written a lot, but this doesn’t begin to describe how bad this place is. The only good thing about this place: M56 eastbound, M62 westbound, M6 north/southbound.

To continue, signs of “good living” were shown when rumours spread of the locals getting a Primark, meaning that they didn’t have to get the 110 to Warrington for their £2 crop tops. However when rumours changed to “the range” the amount of cases of people threatening suicide form the runcorn/Widnes bridge increased dramatically, and since then Widnes has gained everything Runcorn could ever dream of. Things are still dim, plastic chavs are still in their thousands. But Runcorn is still here, living, breathing, stabbing, and will be long into the future, when everywhere else has evolved, we will still b here. Just here.