Roehampton Property Guide and review
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in United Kingdom

Roehampton, aka “Ro” a small town besides the comparatively classy Putney in Wandsworth. Here you will encounter council blocks as far as the eye can see. If you walk down the notorious Danebury Avenue, you will more than likely encounter the plague ridden abortion survivers that congregate around the local chippy, the “right place”. In reality this is the WRONG place to eat at. I have eaten here a couple of times and have been sick from both occasions from the excessive amounts of fat used to cook the “food” in. It is the place where the flab laden young mothers go to consume enough deep fried chips to regurgitate to thier screaming brood to keep the bastards quiet for a few minutes while she can go and get knocked up again in peace.

A couple of doors down, you will encounter “Danebury food and wine” cheap booze emporium. Here you can buy 500ml cans of diamond white for 79p. Think that sounds a bit pricey? Well you can always go for White lightning at only 69p? still think thats a bit dear? Well theres always the White Ace, at a steal for only 59p!!! Still cant quite gather the coppers for it? Well the final offer is the gourmet White Star for 49p. 7.5% cider for only 49p….. This shop basically fuels the many alcoholics who reside here, and you will notice many empty cans of various ciders strewn about the street, and it is not unusual to actually see the council employees sharing a drink on the street with the locals.

If your brave enough to venture further down, or unlucky enough to actually live down the street, then among the swarms of crows and jackdaws on the field eating all the trash from the chav picnics and the bags of household garbage piled up, you can feast your eyes pitifully on the mini rudes riding about thier stolen bicycles and trying to look hard in thier sheer numbers. You will NEVER see a roehamptonite chav walk alone, they are simply too inbred and malnourished to travel alone. Imbreeding is rampant here, tell-tale signs include frailty and patheticness, devoid intellegence, very high forhead and perminant impish grin encrusted on thier brittle skull, whimpish and deliquent cries and inability to utilise whole words (i.e water = wa’er), maybe most of the growth hormones in thier head went to growing thier forhead instead of thier tongue?

The roehampton Shaz is simply the most vile manifestation of human existance. Deafeningly jarring voices/accents. Eyebrown pierced with hair pulled back to the extent that thier face is warped, tits dangling right out weighing them down to the point where they need thier pushchair to actually support the sheer weight of fat. They will always have multiple children, some white and some half race black. One time when I got on the bus at Roehampton, I saw one of the most ugly women I had ever seen, bad even for roehampton standards. Pulled back hair, multiple face piersings, screaming brat child, horrendous tatoos on her mercylessly exposed fat arms, huge earings. And as if the sight of this spectacle of coporial human excrement couldnt get any worse, when she got off the bus, the final insult to my eyes was to see her thong stuck out from between her half revealed buttocks.

By far the most morbid reminder of the degenerate humanity is the huge ASDA. I’m telling you, there is no limit to the various species you will see trolling around the GEORGE section and the crisps and booze areas. In summer, witness the topless fat blokes with no shoes, you can just about make out the array of chelsea FC tatooes from underneath the tuffts of body fur. Words simply cannot describe just how grim this ASDA is.

The favorite passtime of the Roehampton chav is to steal a moped, ride it around, do a few wheelies, then the final indignity, torch it somewhere. “peds” are to them, equivilent to caddies or mercs. A roehamptonite on a ped is one that commands great respect and worship.

Roehampton is a place that no one ever goes to, except to drive up roehampton lane which connects on to the A3 which takes you as fast as possible away from this bowel rupture of a suburb.

  • Pingback: MBT soldes()

  • Graham Sturdy

    Perhaps we need places like “Ro” to give the anonymous clown that wrote this garbage his or her clear superiority complex some food for a while longer.

  • Ricky

    All this people trying to use the uni as a bright spot for roehampton obviously don’t realise that’s what has killed the community.
    It’s bought up all the free land there all the places were kids can play just to build student digs.
    The uni students don’t socialise with the locals, so everyone becomes a stranger.
    There even plans for the uni to buy Dover house playing fields to turn it into a sports ground for just the uni, so all the locals can expect high walls and fences to block any view they have or place to for there kids to safely play.

    I still live in roehampton born and bred.
    And I can say that this article is spot on!!!!.

    All roehampton is now is a pit stop for different uni students every year, immigrants/refugees who got priority for housing and drugs and drink.

    The reason there so many teens walking the streets is because the council have knocked down so they can sell to build over priced flats that working class people cant afford to rent or buy .
    all areas and clubs in the whole estate for kids to play and go are gone because of this.

    It my home but it’s to be frank a s**t hole were working class people ‘who work’ are being priced out.

    And yes the crime is seriouse there specially for old people and women.

  • John Keily

    This is so poorly written, I’m trying to work out if it’s a real article or a wind up. Good and bad areas exist all over. Such laughable grammar and so many literary errors make this article useless. I’m guessing the writer is a student at the uni, passing judgement on the residents without speaking to any of the people condemned within these words. Plenty of people walk solo in roehampton, i can only guess the writer has issues. But such inability to grasp the english language coupled with a clear desire to place oneselve as a superior has made me chuckle. For anyone reading this, please disregard everything and either see for yourself, or believe that the writer of this article was probably refused credit for cider or rejected by a woman in roe. The writer is under 25 and has lived in their parents house and then uni halls. Also, they struggle with the whole ‘i before e’ thing and most other words and constructs. Bless.

  • Tanya Barnett

    what a prized twat you are, how about the poor people have
    no choice but to live there, or the one’s that are trying to get out of it ? what chance do any of them have if jumped up self righteous pricks like yourself say this about the place they live. If you didn’t like the place instead of hanging around you should have just f**ked off and left the place as you found it

  • Liz

    Wow. This is an unbelievably gross bit of hate fuelled class snobbery. I can see why the poster chose to remain anonymous – it says a lot more about their nasty social prejudices than it does about Roehampton.

  • george hebborn

    I live in Roehampton. Next to Richmond Park, Wimbledon Common, Barnes Common, Putney Heath, Sheen Common, Ham Common. I can walk to Kew Gardens, Hampton Court, Wimbledon Tennis without much effort. The buildings are unique and landscaped with a mixture of high rise flats that were admired and highly thought of for that period after the war. It is called the last village in London. There are two pubs and a number of small restaurants. Residents Margaret Lockwood, Vivien Leigh, Maureen O’Sullivan, Emily Blunt, Pat Kennedy (JFK’s sister) Jack Hawkins, Denis Waterman and Sean Connery, the poet Gerard Manley Hopkins all resided here, Some say Pope John Paul 11 studied here. Howard Carter of Tutankhamun fame is buried here along with Jerry Abershawe one of the last highwaymen to be executed and body left hanging on Jerry’s Hill on the Common. Roehampton is not your usual London suburban sprawl, it has it has something very different from anywhere I know. You see a picture of Roehampton and you know its Roehampton. Most places in London you need a street sign on a picture to ID it. Roehampton is worth seeing.

    • Maria Finnan

      I lived in Roehampton for 12 years, but it felt like much longer! My children grew up there (although I never allowed my daughters to play out). My son on the other hand went out. He knew everyone an everyone knew him (not always for the right reasons). Yet not 1 person did a thing to help when he was attacked by a gang of up to 20 youths while walking up danebury avenue in broad daylight with his 3 month old son an his girlfriend. They followed them all the way up to the cab office all the time kicking an punching him. Nobody did a thing to help. My son has a.d.h.d and while that isn’t an excuse for his behaviour it made him stand ou. My son didn’t have a good reputation on the estate in fact he wasan absolute nightmare at times but he was caught an punished for what ever he did, I made sure of it!
      After the attack I was forced to move out of my home due to threats against my son, my daughter had to leave her job as she worked on danebury avenue and it was nit safe for her.
      Although I was glad to be out if Roehampton the affect the whole ordeal had on my family was bad. We all suffered.We had to give up our whole lives because of a gang of kids! Roehampton itself is a beautiful place as you said surrounded by beautiful parks and commons. And I met some wonderful people but while Wandsworth council still continue to throw Jeremy Kyle rejects in it will remain “The worst place in the world to live”

  • Nussy

    Whoever wrote this is a bloody ignorant moron.

  • Hugo Coleman

    but roehampton university is a s**t hole, there are no academics there…

    • F

      The University of Roehampton “has the best record for research among all modern universities in the UK” (The Sunday Times University Guide).The University has an impressive history of research and publications and is keen to continue improving on that record by extending the range, depth and impact of its research, and expanding its Graduate School for research degree programmes.The 2008 Research Assessment Exercise (RAE), which assesses research excellences across all UK universities, showed that Roehampton’s Dance and Biological Anthropology research was considered the very best in the country; and over half of the all University’s submissions ranked within the top 30 in the UK.

  • R

    I am so glad someone has written the truth about Roehampton and there’s no way out of this hell hole it’s a prison used by Wandsworth council a dumping ground of Wandsworth council where they just dump all young mothers crackheads and alcoholics some people who live there are actually innocent people like me who was renting privately but after landlady decided to rent property she evicted me and my 2 kids. We had no choice but to turn to Wandsworth council who put me in Roehampton regardless of the fact that I filled the application and specifically declined Roehampton, then I specifically told 2 different housing officers and they asked me if there was anywhere you wouldn’t like to live and I answered Roehampton, and they still offered me Roehampton then they bullied me and told me that if I didn’t accept they would consider me intentionally homeless if I don’t accept the property. I was alone and scared. Months after the abuse started from the young kids around Roehampton on their bikes calling me names, offering me drugs for sale things being thrown at my window ringing my buzzer because I once refused to speak to them and buy them cigarettes it’s frightening I’m suffering the council won’t help me or fix the cracked window once they put you in Roehampton its a prison where no one cares and the

    • Aron

      How old are you ? 87 ?

    • Dav

      Why did you have two children when you clearly can’t support them? I suggest you move up north, where housing is much cheaper.

  • disqus_UI3ews6TFt

    I would myself like to move out of South London. But I have come to realise a place that was once good could so easily become the worse place on earth fast. It is very hard to determine what areas are safe and decent any more. I go by crime rates now while looking. Then I visit the actually area’s of interest, and watch how people behave and how the community are. Sad that this is the lengths we as parents have to go through to try and at least ensure our children will grow up in the right environment. Personally I would advice you to try and get off of Danebury Avenue, out of Roehampton or keep yourself to yourself. Do not spend too much time around there socializing with anyone.

  • disqus_UI3ews6TFt

    The crime rate and death toll there seems to be very high for some reason, which is very sad. Many a person have jumped or fallen to their deaths from the many high flats around. People have been mugged, beaten, stabbed, gang raped and killed. All in Roehampton. It is a very depressing area. But it wasn’t always like that years and years ago. Very sad.

    • ruth garvey

      I’m really sad to hear all this about Roehampton as I was brought up there. I am from shefield gardens & had a wonderful time going around Richmond Park as a child, but new I had to leave for my sanity !! I.could see what was going to become of so much social housing… TRouble!

  • tiana

    Im in shock, we just recently moved there for better future for our daughter, we used to live in East London all the time naively thought nothing could be worse


    Excellent review, sums it all really. Roehampton is a dump but no one will say it and staff at the local uni (another hellhole)try to hide how bad it is. I hardly know of anyone in that area who has a job and who is not on the dole. Locals (including most students as well) are just hideous people, the estate is an atrocity and the place is full of litter. Just dreadful!!

  • ol

    While I can honestly say this is grounded in vague fact, your digs at people not talking properly are redundant after your spelling mistakes. Asda is not bad, it’s a regular supermarket, there are jackdaws, so? Some women haven’t learned to dress properly but it’s attached to a council estate what do you expect? I get the jokeyness of this piece but its a bit much to call people abortion survivors. And you are focusing on one road linked yo a couple of estates. Roehampton Lane has big houses with nice cars parked on their ample driveways, there is a university, there is a hospital famous for helping amputees from war and illness, it’s right next to the beautiful Richmond Park where you can drive or walk and maybe stop for a picnic and watch the deer. Yeah there are drunk people at 1pm asking for 50p for a bus before heading into the betting shop but there are worse places. Roehampton is actually quite beautiful if you’re not a d**khead.

  • Dommie

    You failed to mention the university full of academics.

    • Ricky

      The uni is what killed the community there.
      Every bit of new repairs done to the estate on happens around the uni.

  • teacher.2011

    Much as I enjoy reading about the neighbourhood where my university is placed, I must say that I was appaled at your review of Roehampton. For one thing you are generalising, not everyone, not even the majority, of people who live there are as you describe them.
    For another, you should not demean other people’s language until you yourself are able to spell properly. May I make one suggestion? Read throught this masterpiece a hyporcitical jugdments and use a dictionary to find out how you spell ‘thier’ correctly. Or how about you actually talk to the people who live there, for I am sure they will turn out to be people like you and I, and it is not just to judge someone merley on their apperance and the means that they have got.
    One last point:
    How would you feel if you were jugded as harshly as you have judged these people, many of whom I dare say you have never talked to?

  • J_W_R

    True to the Nth Degree although Danebury food and wines and the nearby newsagent hve now turned into premier food & Wine and the white star has been jacked up to an extortionate (By Rohamptonite standards) 59p.
    I guess it just means the p*ss heads will have to beg steal or borrow a little harder these days lol

  • HFMpisstake

    can i just say there is no chavs in roehampton or wandsworth or putney or battersea its hoodies coz chavs wud get killed there pussy holes 🙂