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Roehampton

This article has: 11 Comments

Roehampton, aka “Ro” a small town besides the comparitivly classy Putney in Wandsworth.
Here you will encounter council blocks as far as the eye can see. If you walk down the notorious Danebury Avenue, you will more than likely encounter the plague ridden abortion survivers that congregate around the local chippy, the “right place”. In reality this is the WRONG place to eat at. I have eaten here a couple of times and have been sick from both occasions from the excessive amounts of fat used to cook the “food” in. It is the place where the flab laden young mothers go to consume enough deep fried chips to regurgitate to thier screaming brood to keep the bastards quiet for a few minutes while she can go and get knocked up again in peace.

A couple of doors down, you will encounter “Danebury food and wine” cheap booze emporium. Here you can buy 500ml cans of diamond white for 79p. Think that sounds a bit pricey? Well you can always go for White lightning at only 69p? still think thats a bit dear? Well theres always the White Ace, at a steal for only 59p!!! Still cant quite gather the coppers for it? Well the final offer is the gourmet White Star for 49p. 7.5% cider for only 49p….. This shop basically fuels the many alcoholics who reside here, and you will notice many empty cans of various ciders strewn about the street, and it is not unusual to actually see the council employees sharing a drink on the street with the locals.

If your brave enough to venture further down, or unlucky enough to actually live down the street, then among the swarms of crows and jackdaws on the field eating all the trash from the chav picnics and the bags of household garbage piled up, you can feast your eyes pitifully on the mini rudes riding about thier stolen bicycles and trying to look hard in thier sheer numbers. You will NEVER see a roehamptonite chav walk alone, they are simply too inbred and malnourished to travel alone. Imbreeding is rampant here, tell-tale signs include frailty and patheticness, devoid intellegence, very high forhead and perminant impish grin encrusted on thier brittle skull, whimpish and deliquent cries and inability to utilise whole words (i.e water = wa’er), maybe most of the growth hormones in thier head went to growing thier forhead instead of thier tounge?

The roehampton Shaz is simply the most vile manifestation of human existance. Deafeningly jarring voices/accents. Eyebrown pierced with hair pulled back to the extent that thier face is warped, tits dangling right out weighing them down to the point where they need thier pushchair to actually support the sheer weight of fat. They will always have multiple children, some white and some half race black. One time when I got on the bus at Roehampton, I saw one of the most ugly women I had ever seen, bad even for roehampton standards. Pulled back hair, multiple face piersings, screaming brat child, horrendous tatoos on her mercylessly exposed fat arms, huge earings. And as if the sight of this spectacle of coporial human excrement couldnt get any worse, when she got off the bus, the final insult to my eyes was to see her thong stuck out from between her half revealed buttocks.

By far the most morbid reminder of the degenerate humanity is the huge ASDA. I’m telling you, there is no limit to the various species you will see trolling around the GEORGE section and the crisps and booze areas. In summer, witness the topless fat blokes with no shoes, you can just about make out the array of chelsea FC tatooes from underneath the tuffts of body fur. Words simply cannot describe just how grim this ASDA is.

The favorite passtime of the Roehampton chav is to steal a moped, ride it around, do a few wheelies, then the final indignity, torch it somewhere. “peds” are to them, equivilent to caddies or mercs. A roehamptonite on a ped is one that commands great respect and worship.

Roehampton is a place that no one ever goes to, except to drive up roehampton lane which connects on to the A3 which takes you as fast as possible away from this bowel rupture of a suburb.

iLiveHere Full Crime Statistics compiled from Police data
  
  • Hugo Coleman

    but roehampton university is a s**t hole, there are no academics there…

  • R

    I am so glad someone has written the truth about Roehampton and there’s no way out of this hell hole it’s a prison used by Wandsworth council a dumping ground of Wandsworth council where they just dump all young mothers crackheads and alcoholics some people who live there are actually innocent people like me who was renting privately but after landlady decided to rent property she evicted me and my 2 kids. We had no choice but to turn to Wandsworth council who put me in Roehampton regardless of the fact that I filled the application and specifically declined Roehampton, then I specifically told 2 different housing officers and they asked me if there was anywhere you wouldn’t like to live and I answered Roehampton, and they still offered me Roehampton then they bullied me and told me that if I didn’t accept they would consider me intentionally homeless if I don’t accept the property. I was alone and scared. Months after the abuse started from the young kids around Roehampton on their bikes calling me names, offering me drugs for sale things being thrown at my window ringing my buzzer because I once refused to speak to them and buy them cigarettes it’s frightening I’m suffering the council won’t help me or fix the cracked window once they put you in Roehampton its a prison where no one cares and the

  • disqus_UI3ews6TFt

    I would myself like to move out of South London. But I have come to realise a place that was once good could so easily become the worse place on earth fast. It is very hard to determine what areas are safe and decent any more. I go by crime rates now while looking. Then I visit the actually area’s of interest, and watch how people behave and how the community are. Sad that this is the lengths we as parents have to go through to try and at least ensure our children will grow up in the right environment. Personally I would advice you to try and get off of Danebury Avenue, out of Roehampton or keep yourself to yourself. Do not spend too much time around there socializing with anyone.

  • disqus_UI3ews6TFt

    The crime rate and death toll there seems to be very high for some reason, which is very sad. Many a person have jumped or fallen to their deaths from the many high flats around. People have been mugged, beaten, stabbed, gang raped and killed. All in Roehampton. It is a very depressing area. But it wasn’t always like that years and years ago. Very sad.

  • tiana

    Im in shock, we just recently moved there for better future for our daughter, we used to live in East London all the time naively thought nothing could be worse

  • LUCREZIA

    Excellent review, sums it all really. Roehampton is a dump but no one will say it and staff at the local uni (another hellhole)try to hide how bad it is. I hardly know of anyone in that area who has a job and who is not on the dole. Locals (including most students as well) are just hideous people, the estate is an atrocity and the place is full of litter. Just dreadful!!

  • ol

    While I can honestly say this is grounded in vague fact, your digs at people not talking properly are redundant after your spelling mistakes. Asda is not bad, it’s a regular supermarket, there are jackdaws, so? Some women haven’t learned to dress properly but it’s attached to a council estate what do you expect? I get the jokeyness of this piece but its a bit much to call people abortion survivors. And you are focusing on one road linked yo a couple of estates. Roehampton Lane has big houses with nice cars parked on their ample driveways, there is a university, there is a hospital famous for helping amputees from war and illness, it’s right next to the beautiful Richmond Park where you can drive or walk and maybe stop for a picnic and watch the deer. Yeah there are drunk people at 1pm asking for 50p for a bus before heading into the betting shop but there are worse places. Roehampton is actually quite beautiful if you’re not a d**khead.

  • Dommie

    You failed to mention the university full of academics.

  • teacher.2011

    Much as I enjoy reading about the neighbourhood where my university is placed, I must say that I was appaled at your review of Roehampton. For one thing you are generalising, not everyone, not even the majority, of people who live there are as you describe them.
    For another, you should not demean other people’s language until you yourself are able to spell properly. May I make one suggestion? Read throught this masterpiece a hyporcitical jugdments and use a dictionary to find out how you spell ‘thier’ correctly. Or how about you actually talk to the people who live there, for I am sure they will turn out to be people like you and I, and it is not just to judge someone merley on their apperance and the means that they have got.
    One last point:
    How would you feel if you were jugded as harshly as you have judged these people, many of whom I dare say you have never talked to?

  • J_W_R

    True to the Nth Degree although Danebury food and wines and the nearby newsagent hve now turned into premier food & Wine and the white star has been jacked up to an extortionate (By Rohamptonite standards) 59p.
    I guess it just means the p*ss heads will have to beg steal or borrow a little harder these days lol

  • HFMpisstake

    can i just say there is no chavs in roehampton or wandsworth or putney or battersea its hoodies coz chavs wud get killed there pussy holes :)