Living in Ripley
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Derbyshire

Yes this old market town that only has one actual market stall was described this way by the BBC. In reality a collection of nail bars and kebab shops would be more accurate.

Aside from such shops Ripley also has plenty to offer the casual visitor including the old Co-op store that changes uses every three years, the skatepark on Greenwich where you can induldge in a sport of underage drinking or pick up a young girl if that’s your thing. People willing to risk a journey to the borough of Codnor are also advised to visit the [shop we can’t name] where it is rumoured alleged that the flags displayed outside show which drugs are available. The local breeding ground of the Elms estate is also well worth a visit where you can witness muggings, beatings and burglaries.

For those wishing to stay, Ripley has a buslting nightlife for those willing to allegedly risk losing a few teeth or a black eye when visiting such esteemed bars such as Crib, White Lion or Association. Of course no night would ever be complete without a visit to the Regal, it is highly recommended that you should check the age of any girl you should meet there. After being kicked out of the Regal you can either brave the Matrix or risk your life at one of the many one star hygiene rated kebab shops such as Gills, Tony’s or Dino’s.

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The population of Ripley a below average number of teeth and above average number of criminal convictions. Two youth organisations engage in regular debate. RMF (Ripley’s Most Feared) and CRS (Codnor Riot Squad) face off resulting in some spectacular mass brawls. One should never attempt conversation with members of these gangs for the simple reason they are unable to speak more than three lines without using ‘ya f*cking wot dickhead!’

In summary Ripley has plenty to offer any interested people, however it is not recommended for those wishing to keep their money or their teeth.