Living in Peterborough
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Cambridgeshire, East Anglia

I lived in Peterborough for 15 years until 2013 and all i can say is wow. what a f*****g DUMP. The typical Peterborough inmate lacks most aspects of social grace we have become accustomed to in the civilised world. If you travel to the city centre of Peterborough you will be greeted by a whole host of creatures, large and small, but mainly large. Peterborough has one of the highest obesity ratings in the u.k. Most people you come across will have never left Peterborough and hate anyone who does, they will most likely be wearing cheap sport clothing, acquired from one of the many tacky sport clothing chains dotted around the high street, punctuated by Greggs bakeries. The lack of basic hygiene is frankly incredible and the thick smell of fags in the air is actually a relief as it goes some way in masking the scent of a dying, nay dead town.

One thing to bear in mind, if booking a weekend get away in Peterborough is it is customary, if a stranger holds eye contact with you for more than three seconds, to shout “WAT”??? and become extremely aggressive. Reduce this time to no time at all if in one of the many cheap chain “pub n grubs” where most peterborions like to spend their dole money. The biggest problem with Peterborough is that no one seems to want to leave the hell hole, and firmly believes Peterborough is a nice place to live. ARE YOU F*****G MENTAL? i believe firmly that many are. The people of Peterborough seem to live in their own backward little world, they just do everything wrong. It’s not a nice social drink with friends, but getting pissed on sour shots 4 for a pound at whetherspoons then being sick over your mates and your mates being sick over you.  It’s not a sit down meal with co workers after work at a new restaurant, it’s buying a kebab from one of the 10,000 kebab shops with your co workers at spar, then wiping your face with the left over.  It’s not get up and go, it’s sit down and do f**k all because life’s too hard.

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To conclude their are many reasons for peterboroughs rapid terminal decline. The first is that peterborough is a dumping ground of other forward thinking city’s. The people who simply cant understand the modern world, who are scared of change and hark back to the days of strikes, working mens clubs and beating up foreigners. Once in peterborough they can fence themselves in with other like minded people and wait to they die of obesity or lung cancer. Another reason, which links again with the inhabitants is that if any one (which I imagine they wouldn’t) wanted to open say a restaurant, they would have no choice but to sell peterborough favourites such as “steak and ale pie 2 for a tenner with free pint” and “cod and chips 3 for a tenner”. To my horror an advertisement for a pub in my old area of Hampton stated, that if a customer managed to finish off 3 triple stack burgers they would win a pint of carling. That is the peterborough way of doing things.  There was even a board in the pub that had photos of customers who had won the challenge, it’s beyond belief.