Our city is full of *****. Not only are they outsmarted by gardening tools they hang out in the strangest places. In MK i estimate that we have no less than 150 underpass’s linking all of the estates together. They are usually full of shopping trolly’s and rubbish, the perfect place for tramps to live but no, they are full of *****! What is the point in ******* out in the dark under a bridge, in winter, smoking and harassing strangers. I would rather hang out with a set of tools in a shed than a bunch of *****.

A poetic insight to a city centre **** night out in sunny Milton Keynes…
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The Land That Taste Forgot. The town that claims it’s a city.

The thousand roundabouts on the grid road system all offer up hiding holes (by way of the underpass) for the young **** to seek some shelter for the purpose of skinning up or pushing their loved ones around in abandoned shopping trolleys.

The redway system seems to have been designed solely for the purpose of providing the worker **** with gainful employment (alleviating even weeer folk of their personal belongings). A remarkable example of forward planning by the powers that be.

The upwardly mobile ***** are well catered for in Europe’s longest shopping centre. These folk (who usually go “up fa ci’y” in a double date fashion) are spolit for choice with a New Look over 2 floors, Miss Selfridge and Sports Soccer all within spitting distance (there are cleaners on constant call to wipe up the drool from these overbite suffering cousin lovers) of eachother. For ****’s looking to make a day of it at centre:mk, they have a choice of 4 McDonald’s, 3 Burger King’s and a KFC all within walking distance.

There’s also plenty for GiroChavs to waste their ill gotten gains on. Bletchley High Street is The Place to be spotted in your knock off Market Chic. But for those of you in Wolverton, there’s the Agora (it’s sister shopping centre is in Bletchley).

And of an evening, you’re spolit for choice with Yates’, Rat and Parrot for those not sophisticated enough to get into Yates’, and Empire, which is accessible via a free school bus from Yates’ and offers all you *****’s can drink for a mere weeks wages from selling stolen nokia 3310s.

As for sleeping quarters, try any of the following, Lakes Estate and Bletchley (for Greater London overspill ****), Newport Pagnell (for that special breed of ****** yokel ****), Wolverton, Fishermead, Netherfield, Tinkers Bridge, Coffee Hall, Springfield, Conniburrow, Greenleys, Galley Hill, Stantonbury, Stacey Bushes. The list could go on. However, don’t fear should you find yourself outside any of these lovely places, due to the desire to achieve social integration in Milton Keynes, every estate has it’s own mini pike town.

And finally, to witness **** lads in their most natural habitat, there’s the weekly gathering of Citroen Saxo’s, SR Nova’s etc, in the National Hockey Stadium (home of the football team most likely to find itself down the dhss – MK Dons) car park.

go:mk