Living in Middleton
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Greater Manchester, North West

Middleton. Some say Rochdale, some say Oldham. But no matter where you classify Middleton, it’s still a f*****g s******e.

First of all, the one thing you must learn about Middleton is that no matter where you go whether that be Langley or Boarshaw, you will still be able to smell the pungent aroma of somebody’s weed growth. Middleton, or “Middy” as some chavs say, provides ample places for 12 year olds to shag and 21 year old mothers of 5 to shout at their kids, who are often called Ma’Lleyah, Denzel, Shanice, and so on. Those who are white tend to have the stereotypical black names, especially if they are 100% white.

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Common signs to spot that you’re in Middleton are:

  • The bike riding, Nike cap wearing, spliff smoking youths, who are probably in Year 8.
  • Teens slyly doing cocaine on the back of the 17 bus to Rochdale.
  • Mothers with Adidas tracksuits on, pushing a trolley whilst pregnant and smoking some weed.
  • Schoolkids fighting on a popular park, where 4 year olds and their mothers frequent.

Now, as a Middleton resident of 14 years, I have noticed that Middleton is exceptionally good at having bodyguards in the Arndale following a group of youths around, and not being very sneaky. This place can be seen as a developing area of Greater Manchester, but, it’s still a s******e.