It is clear as soon as you step out of Luton Central Station that everyone who lives there are in fact the spawn of Satan. As well as the usual accessories of jewellery, fake burberry clothes (they can’t afford the real stuff in Luton) the chavgirls have to have a pushchair with a small demonic child wailing in said pushchair. The parentage of the child is irrelevant, it could be stolen off the street, however, if they have a child its instant street cred. Clearly, the younger the chavgirl with the pram the cooler she is because she put out at a younger age because shes obviously a “dirty bitch”
The chavs like to hang out in various places but the Arndale Shopping Centre is a particular favourite. A group of chavs stand in a massive circle taking up most of the walkway in the Arndale and refuse to move. The more intimidating (if indimidating means looking dim) the look on the face the more they feel they “run tings, tings don’t run dem.”
In their spare time they like to park in car parks in their souped up s**t cars beeping at passing cars in order to race them. Anyone that does not respond is a pussy. It goes without saying that the winner of the race not only has to come first but skid around and make as much noise as possible.
When unwinding they go to the infamous Chav chain Yates to “grind and wind” with randoms they meet to pretend dancehall and rnb. Club time comes around and they head off to Space. If someone hasn’t been stabbed by the end of the night then severe disappointment ensues. The disappointment is lifted a little if the chavgirl takes off her stillettos and threatens to stick it in another minger’s eye.
And yes, its so bad Wife Swap is currently recruiting here. Wicked.
Ok so i’ve already done one of these for the lovely place that is Luton, but i dont think that i did it enough justice. I didnt mention the delights of Marsh Farm or the chav breeding grounds that are ‘Tin Town’ and ASDA. Marsh Farm is a genuinely scary place if u dont come from there. Be warned – never walk past the high rise flats alone at night if u want to keep ure belongins with you. Also u might find ureself being pissed on by a couple of ‘jokas’ tryin to outpiss each other from the roof of the flats. Or perhaps a bit of scaffolding (aka. Dad’s weapon of mass destruction) might come flyin at you after it has been thrown out of a window.
Tin Town is the area of Luton that is houses that are half made from tin, they were built after the war for London overspills to live in. They were meant to be temporary. 60 years later they’re still there. However, just recently the council have ‘revamped’ the houses and they are no longer made of tin and they actually look quite nice. All the same they are lived in by chavs in their hundreds. Walk by tin town and you’re bound to see a couple of ten yr olds settin fire to bins, kicking in the phone boxes and graffitiing on the bus stops.
Another place is the Wigmore area which consists of an ASDA which is the hang out for the young chavs. The chav lads old enough to drive – or at least supposed to look old enough – like to hang around in the car park in their novas comparing blue underlights and spoilers and big sound systems banging out some ‘chooons!!’.
A friend of mine used to work in ASDA and on many occassions she saw young chavettes nicking pregnancy tests , popping into the store toilets then coming out about ten minutes later looking a) very relieved or b) saying ‘im goin to the Lodge* tomorrow’. (*Lodge- place to get sorted for pregnancy, STIs, STDs etc.) Many of them in fact obviously dont go to the Lodge and that is why Luton has one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates in the country.
I agree with the bloke who said it is tradition to mutter ‘s**thole’ when u go through Luton on the train. The station does indeed look like a s**thole – which reflects the image of the town itself. Doesnt help that the stations either end of Luton are the rich bitches of Harlington and the stuck-up-their-arses St Albans. Oh look..theres my Luton attitude shining through – it cant be helped once youve lived here for a while. The power of the chav is mighty!