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Kingston Upon Thames

This article has: 105 Comments

The local chamber of commerce describes Kingston as a bright, friendly and pleasant place for people to live and work – absoloute arse. If your idea of pleasant is being harrassed outside of “mackeydees” on any given night of the week because this is where some fool in the planning department decided that a bus stop should be placed, then your living in a different world to me. Other top chav hotspots include the recently opened Odeon “complex” where our local pikey chums can amuse themselves for hours on end standing outside abusing people because they have either been chucked out, or as is more likely, cannott afford to get in. As is often the case, this is because they have spent all of the money they made mugging some poor sod, on amusing mobile ring tones. And let us not forget the Bentall centre, Southeast london’s premier shopping destination where you can smell the cheap aftershave from miles around. Try visiting this place on a Saturday afternoon – it’s a once in a lifetime experience. The mothercare seems to be an extension of the youth club, such is the average age of Kingston’s homemaking population. HMV is a popular destination as our chav bretheren can usually pick up the latest Jet Li masterpiece in one of their permanent sales. Chav’s don’t do full price, if they ever pay at all, except for when they visit the local argos (craftily placed not 50 yards from Mcdonalds) to augment their growing gold jewellery collection. £29.99 for a nice thick gold chain? Sweet bruv! Let’s see now….Morgan? check. Wilkinsons? Oh hell yes!! Nandos? For when you want to take the missus somewhere classy? But of course. And please don’t leave before sampling the nightlife. Take your pick from several premier clubs where the music is no different from a Kiss FM drivetime slot. Try Oceana, 5 rooms, all cack. Or the Works, where one can enjoy the frission of excitement that comes from wondering whether you will leave with a bottle or a chair stuck in your head. And that’s just the bouncers idea of crowd management.

6 Reasons why Kingston Upon Thames is britains top chav hotspot.

1 – The recently opened 99p store has queues outside everyday. Enough said.

2 – Bookshops = 3. Mobile phone shops = 10 at least. And let us not forget those handy little places which will unlock a phone for a fee, no questions asked. While I mention bookshops I feel I must draw your attention to the fact that the Bentall centre’s only retail outlet for printed material (as no one could ever accuse WHSmith’s of being a bookseller) is the Waterstone’s. Luckily for Kingston’s more enlightened residents (like people who can string a sentence together without having to sit down) this is located on the top floor. This means that people can browse to their heart’s content without worrying whether a group of chav’s will make the trip up 3 sets of stairs to come and bother civilised people. Not all the time the town’s SECOND Mcdonalds is located in the basement of said building.

3 – 60% of the population of Kingston do not know where the library is. Mind, 60% of Kingston residents couldn’t find their own arse with a map.

4 – Cheryl Tweedy, Chavette Maximus, was tried over the nightclub incident at Kingston crown court. Their’s nothing like being graced with celebrity.

5 – The Cambridge estate. Often used as a location during episodes of The Bill when the producers wish to portray a police no go estate or the aftermath of a riot. How art imitates life.

6 – The local papers devote more space to naming the latest recipients of ASBO’s than they do to job adverts. And surely an ASBO is to a chav, what frostbite is to eskimo’s? A risk of nature.

iLiveHere Full Crime Statistics compiled from Police data
  
  • bucu

    you are so rude, how dare you make fun of poor people who go to 99p stores.

  • Danny Crouch

    South West London, surely?

  • Charlie

    I have lived in Kingston for 15 years and it is great. Yes there is an occational mugging or something but It is a shopping hotspot and Kingston Is in South West London not SouthEast

  • Charlie

    I have lived in Kingston for 11 years. I originally moved from Hammersmith and Fulham Yes Kingston is not the best place to live but There are other worse places. It is a tourist attraction with the Huge Shopping Centre and Kingston Museum, In your description you make it out to be another planet. Which its not

  • Oliver G Galliers

    This rant was posted in 2011 and the idiot refers to the Odeon as ‘new’?
    It has been there since 2001, you mentally defective bourgeois fornicator halfwit.

    Also, Kingston Upon Thames is situated in south west London; south east London is Croydon and Bromley and such.
    Geography’s not your strong point, I take it?

    Also, there are chavs and pikeys everywhere; within the borders of Kingston borough is Chessington, which has a large pikey trailer park right near the Winnea Hill, which separates London and Surrey. It’s not just Kingston, though. Have you been into your beloved posh Surrey, recently?

    I admit you get some awful experiences in Kingston; I had a lunatic in March start screaming at me outside McDonalds claiming I had pushed in front of him, and that white trash shouldn’t dare push in front of a brother again. Wow. That happens in loads of towns; again, I had some really uncomfortable experiences in Epsom which were worse.

    You should try southern Hampshire; that’s quite scary. New Milton has a gene puddle, not a gene pool.

    Also, you draw a lot of attention to Norbiton. I concede that Norbiton is physically repugnant, and looks like the Bronx NY prima facie to any outsider. The station at Norbiton is a run down shack. However, when you’re actually walking around Norbiton you realise it’s deliberately like that. The people have quite a bit of money; like Southsea, in Portsmouth Hampshire, they like the derelict feel of it. It’s a hipster town, and a lot of the people who live there are trendies from the uni who don’t want to live in Surbiton (possibly the nastiest part of Kingston is Surbiton).

    New Malden, again a rural suburban part of Kingston, has the annual beer fest and that is probably the only beer fest you can go to without risking homicide at the hands of a drunk. It’s really relaxed, and I have performed with my banjo there on at least one occasion (2010). The atmosphere was laid back and conservative.

    To hate Ktown this much, I’m assuming you’re from Croydon. If you are, then please feel welcome to f**k off home to the dump. Granted, Kingston may not be Richmond, though ‘tleast we don’t make Dagenham appear like a resort.

  • Anon

    I’ve lived in Kingston for nearly 15 years. Whoever has written this is, to put it simply, an idiot.
    “60% of Kingston residents couldn’t find their own arse with a map.” – Wow. You’re so nice.
    The only dodgy part of Kingston would be the Oceana nightclub on a Friday between the hours of 9pm-4am but that area is hardly residential.
    Students from all schools are generally very nice. Be wary of some Southborough students (numerous police officers outside the Tesco’s 30m down the road every time I pass and the school bell has just gone…) but otherwise it’s a nice area.
    The Cambridge Estate has a bad reputation but is home to some of my closest friends and to be fair isn’t a bad place.
    If you think Kingston is chavvy, look at central London which is an area about 10 miles away or perhaps look further (geographically) at places such as Newcastle. Then come back to me Mr Author and tell me Kingston isn’t chavvy.

  • BH

    I moved to Kingston a year ago. I love it.

  • Ben Smith

    Oh this poor delusional fellow.

    If Kingston is chavvy I’d hate to live in Elephant and Castle or Brixton. I highly doubt the author has been to Kingston more than once.

  • james

    Although everyone has got there opinion I don’t think Kingston is a chavvy place. One of the coolest place to live and study. After I finished my studies at Kingston University I have gone ahead to start my own business. This idea started in kingston and was based on my third year research. Basically I deliver drinks to Kingstonians at late night. check it out at http://www.247drinks.co.uk.

    • Jason

      Right, where to start.
      Kingston is such a nice place to live, and I for one lives on the Cambridge Estate in a high rise tower block. I can see for miles all around. Now living in my block at the top, nearly 2 1/2 years ago there was a fire on the 12th floor, This caught hold very quickly and resulted in every single resident being rehoused in temporary accomodation, of which some lost everything. I, myself had only moved in 3 months before the fire and i had put everything i had moneywise,doing up my property. £2000 to be exact. I had just finished doing my flat up, and was going to insure, but unfortunately did not get the chance.
      Kingston Council worked very hard to sort as much as they could in the aftermath. Even the residents of Kingston rallied round to help people as much as they could – for which all the residents were very greatful. All of the residents on the top four floors had to wait one and a half years before we could move back in and after the fire.
      As a result the said tower blocks residents all became a community of their own right. everyone says hello in one way or the other – being it was a shared nightmare for all of us.
      Finally, as i said earlier that i can see most of the estate from my balcony, and it is so quiet in the evenings, with minimal noise.
      I understand that this estate had a bad reputation, and has now been cleaned up, same for kingsnympton Estate as i lived there also. I really dont see how someone who does not even live in Kingston can make up such crap, and sounds like an egoistic knob head that seems to have his head stuck so far up his own arse. enough said !!!!

      • Dan

        Well said that man. I too know for a fact that the community helped chip in to help residents.

        Despite the bad name that the Cambridge Estate has had over the years, I have been there hundreds of times and never had a single bit of bother there.

        Most residents of council estates are actually quite nice decent people when you actually bother saying hello and speak to them like a human being.

        The main article on this page sounds like the diatribe of a complete and utter snob. Sure, every area has its trouble makers, but this isn’t exclusive to council areas. I’ve seen some real posh areas with their fair share of undesirables.

  • Becka

    This guy has never lived in a chavvy area, this much is clear. Maybe there should be a site for towns that attract toffee nosed snobs? :)

  • Christopher

    Your article is total rubbish!!
    I have lived in Kingston for almost all of my life and I could not think of a nicer place to live. I live in Norbiton just 2 minuets from the Cambridge estate and I learnt to ride my bike there because it is so quite, and I live on a road that in effect is a dead end. There is almost no bad activity there and most people that live in Kingston would be happy to walk through there on a dark night with peace of mind.
    What does it matter that Cheryl Tweedy had a court case at Kingston Crown court, my farther is a senior Forensic Scientist and Expert Witness, and on more than one occasion has given evidence there and has said that it is one of the nicer courts that he has been to just because it was in Kingston it does not mean that Kingston is a bad place, if you judged only on that Maidstone would be dreadful as most of HMRC’s smuggling cases are done there. If anything it should be commended that Kingston is being used as it says that it is a good court
    Also I think that you have failed to point out some of Kingtons better features such as;
    The Kings Stone after which it was named where seven Saxon Kings were crowned.
    Kingston hospital which is the third largest in London and has a relatively new three million pound cancer unit.
    Some of the best schools in the country where people travel from far and wide to get in, all with Ofsted reports that are very hard to come by
    Two royal parks both with in less ten minuets of the town centre.
    A University (something that is clear you never went to) which gets some fantastic results and that has churned out Asian media tycoons and F1 designers to top Hollywood actors like Ben Barnes (Chronicles of Narnia) and Top sports stars such as Lawrence Dallaglio (England rugby star) and Gail Emms (Olympic silver medallist), to name a few.
    How little time must you have spent in Kingston to write an article like this and get so much wrong.

    • Caroline

      Kingston is a very pleasant place compared to many others I have visited. My son went to University there, and chose to stay. He grew up in Folkestone, which although has the advantage of being beside the sea, is run down and depressed. Folkestone is a town of two halves, with some wealthy areas, and others which are some of the poorest and run-down in the country.

  • http://www.blanchesbridalboutique.co.uk nikki

    Im from brighton and moved to kingston upon thames, it happens to be a much nicer place to live than brighton, where you have smack heads on the door step.
    Im considering moving to cambrdge estate, and have had no problems and have met some lovely people from that area.
    My second child has autism and goes to a public school in kingston/tolworth, the education provided at tolworth is fantastic ,my son has been there 2 months, couldnt read or right , now he is doing both.
    You get chavs everywhere unfortunatly its teenage fashion one of which im forever harasing my son about and absolutly refuse to let him speak like one.
    Can I also touch upon one point there does seem to be alot of race division due to the arogance of some not all people concerning this estate, when will you all learn to grow up, this world belongs to no one we all share the same dna for god sake and started of as slyme that evolved to our surroundings.
    And before you knock my spelling!! im not stupid and have dislexia ..

  • Matt

    Kingston is actually really nice. It’s probably along one of the nicest parts of the River Thames, there are great shopping facilities and it is close to Richmond Park, Bushy Park and Hampton Court Palace. I live in North Kingston close to Ham which is very pleasant and I really enjoy cycling to Kingston along the river path. Although some people might say that the Cambridge Estate is chavvy it isn’t bad compared to most council estates in London. Some of the houses in Coombe and Kingston Hill can easily fetch for over £2m.

  • Sara Portland Road

    Well I love Kingston on Thames. Most towns have their chav/council areas, and Kingston is no different. The Cambridge Estate is well known but is way way back from the main part of Kingston. Walk along the river and watch the beautiful swans, see the history, the smart Charter Quay development, buzzing coffee houses, yummy mummies with their broods and plenty of middle class shoppers. A friend of mine lives in Crawley and oh, how jealous he is of the riverside. A wonderful vegetable market, so much ambience, and so friendly, I think anonymous could be jealous. Where does he/she live? And does he/she have a name?

  • hazzer

    As a resident all my life and a resident on cambridge estate just like to say you havent got a clue. The estate was used by the bill as it is one of the largest estates in greater london and one of the safest (do you really think they would have risked there actors on a no go area) the estate housing department was also paid alot of money for the filming. As for the town centre at nights yes there alot of problems as a door supervior i know this, but nearly all problems are caused by people from outside the are area (croydon, feltham e.t.c). Kingston also has some of the top schools in the uk and the town is also rich in history (google coronation stone).

    • james

      Hazza, sorry to bother you with this mate but you seem to know the place well, i am trying to contact Leonie michelle mckenzie she is 26yrs old lives with her mother i think? Kelly , i cant trace through most channels for a contact ? any chance of passing on my e-mail to Leonie for me if you could, all above board mate i live in the far east, Thailand,would like to speak with her , thank you james.

  • ben

    Kingston is southwest london you nob not southeast. and it actually comes under surrey not london at all

    • Bobby Glockenspiel

      London isn’t a county you plum, it contains partially within its boundaries the Counties of Middlesex, Surrey, Kent, Essex and Hertfordshire. Kingston is a Greater London borough.

  • Cassandra Buckingham

    Sorry to burst your bubble, but I have lived in Kingston for 23 years and it has been the most friendly, welcoming place that I have ever lived in. My son attends Tiffin Boys’ School, one of the best schools in the country and has recently received 6 A*, 3 A’s, and 1 B grade in his GCSE’s. None of my family have ever been ‘harassed’ in Kingston, and the majority of people are decent and educated, and the minority are “chavs”. Good day to you.