Posted by & filed under East Sussex, South East, United Kingdom.

Hastings has got to be the most infested town in the South East.
Let me take you on a guided tour, we’ll start from the train station:

=Hastings station has recently been rebuilt from a shabby, run down, crap hole of a building. Into a super ‘high tech’ glass structure. Not certain why the building needs to be so huge, possibly to prevent chav pile up as this is a popular haunt for chavs. Alighting from the train one can see several groups of chavs littering the platform. They’re not travelling anywhere, they can’t afford to pay, and if they ventured forth from Hastings town centre they might find a real world beyond their chav lives.

=Upon exiting the train station and travelling down the Station approach one can encounter a few chavettes making their way to the shopping centre to steal a few items. On passing them one can also expect a few passing comments of ‘Goff’ or ‘loser’ This, of course, is no insult.

=Once the end of the road one comes to a cross road, this is a popular point for so called ‘Drag racing’ where chavs risk their lives by speeding through the red lights and almost crashing their ‘Hot Ride’ But let us take a moment to think, if they did crash, would it be a great loss?

=Opposite one can observe a closed down building, this was once the best pub in town but was shut down due to chav induced fighting. (i.e. One man against thirty Chavs)

=As one approaches the shopping centre, one can see an example of how infested Hastings is, the shopping centre is partially open air and the middle is lined with beches to rest upon. These are over run with Chavs. A group of forty or so can be seensharing one can of stolen cider, and one packet of ten cigarettes. (Yeah mate, cider is bangin’) These comments can always be heard.

=Moving on from the Shopping centre. One arrives at a Chavs favourite place. McDonalds. As you well know, Chavs can be watched, eating, drinking, hanging around and sometimes, the more evolved Chavs can even bee see WORKING in McDonalds. Shock Horror!!!! The money they earn will evidently be spent on Cider and Fags.

=Moving on towards the Old Town along the sea front, a stream of Arcades can be seen. Chavs spend long hours in these areas. Drawn in by the pretty flashing lights and wonderful music. Chavs can be seen playing on the nudge machines, feeding it with up to fifteen pounds then thinking it an achievement when they win three pounds. Chavettes are also here, favouring the ‘Dance Machines’ a perfectly good piece of Japanese gaming, destroyed by chavette feet. The Chavettes are also very good at this game because they spend most of their waking hours playing on it.

=If one returns back to the town centre and crosses the ‘Sacred road’ one becomes aware of the obvious partition between normal people and Chavs. On one side we have a sea of burberry baseball caps. On the other side a sea of colour and not a speck of Burberry in sight.

=On this side of the road there is a night club (The Crypt) which has never heard or seen the likes of an R’n’B CD or and kind of ‘Garage’ Music. Only live bands such as Rooster and The Heaters ever come to this establishment, Eletric Six has even played here.

=On one such night a group of Chavs approached The Crypt and demanded entrance. The Bouncers, knowing that they would soil themselves the second the saw the inside of the club, they willingly obliged to give them admittance. Once the Chavs had entered the club and seen the kind of people inside, they surely did soil themseleves. There were too many ‘Goffs’ To count. They were then seen sitting in the darkest corner, waiting for a moment to escape.

=In conclusion, the entire range of chavs can be found here. Fat Chavs, Lanky Chavs, Chavettes and even Mini-Chavs can be found. It is the best exhibition of Chav Scum i have found to date.

  • Tony

    We use to go there as kids in the car with mum and dad, and then it was fine, and when I returned many years later, found it changed so much, I will make this brief and say I won;t be going there anymore.

    I agree, I saw lots of what many would call down and outs.

    They should have done something to the place before the riff-raff moved in,

  • Hastings Blows

    Drivers all think they are taking part in some kind of real life ‘Grand theft Auto’ game, the pubs are full of shaven headed lager swilling football shirt wearing ‘Right said Fred’ look-a-like Wannabees, and the town centre is ankle deep in cig butts, urine stains and vomit. Walk anywhere in the town centre and all you can smell is the strong stench of an enormous overflowing ashtray. Walk down Queens road and play ‘dodge the dog turd’ whilst breathing in traffic fumes and being subjected to the same jerkoffs driving up and down continuously with their pathetic noisy exhausts and pounding stereos. Top that off with ridiculous parking charges introduced just about everywhere having removed all the of the free spaces so you get to be ripped off as soon as you arrive, just to be greeted with all of the above. I now go elsewhere, and have done for years.

  • http://N/A simka

    I’m from Hastings and all I can say is if it bothers you do something about it. Perhaps study some social theory along with some social policy. That might give you a little more understanding than you seem to have right now. Either that or leave it alone. For a place you apparently don’t care for you’re giving it an awful lot of attention! You’ve already decided what you see….therefore, you cannot see anything else.

  • Re surfer

    You are from Hastings and can’t construct a sentance using normal English….WHAT A SURPRISE!!

    • goffs

      Ahem… do you mean sentence?

  • Hate this f*cking place

    I have the unfortunate pleasure of living in Hastings after having moved down here with my Wifes work (work….in Hastings…. I hear you ask!!). The place is a bloody dump and I would implore people to stay away. We are looking to move out at the earliest opportunity even though we are both on good salarys we don’t want to subject ourselves to chav-ville any longer.

    If you shop at JJB sport or pound land, like fighting, R reg BMW M3’s with blacked out windows and oversized exhausts or want to grow up to be a “gangsta”, then enjoy, Hastings will be just your kind of place!

  • Sarah

    I just spent a weekend in Hastings and I was staggered, I have never been to a place that is so full of chavs and alcoholics, it felt like spending a weekend in ‘Escape from New York’ everywhere we went there were drunks and chavs; one commenting “get out of my town” when we walked past. Thank god our hotel the Zanzibar in St Leonards was wonderful and so we stayed in and enjoyed the beautiful view of the sea; but god knows why they opened such a great place in such a chav infested dump. We had lunch at the Dragon Bar which was great, and a curry from The Taj Mahal which was extremely good; cooked in front of you and fresh and delicious. It’s such a shame as it has the potential to be a lovely place but instead it has the feel of somewhere that’s been left to ruin, the seafront is shabby; the pier burnt down. The old town could be delightful but wasn’t. Overall, unfortunately, it’s a place I feel no reason to ever visit again because of the overwhelming amount of chavs, and I certainly I wouldnt want to walk around at night there on my own or even with my partner as I would be worried about getting mugged!

  • Becky

    I’ve got to say that I actually like Hastings. Under the outta crust of chav scum there is a lovely little town. The old town is great with some awesome junk shops and a few other novelty shops that are cute I love going there for some c**kles and chips. The surrounding country side is beautiful as well. There are some awesome pubs and one semi OK club, some nice café’s as well if you look around the town is small but there is a fair variety of shops for a small town. I’ve lived in worse towns and better but for a small town it’s still easy enough to dodge the chav’s, maybe if you bump in to them a little too often it’s time to question why :/ :)

  • Chavez senior, Chav supressor

    I live in Hastings, having lived all around the country I can safely say that nowhere is safe from the chav crisis. Perhaps Eaton but even visitning there one or two strays can be seen pushing their babys around in shopping trollies.

    It is true that Hastings has an unfair share of the blighters but then we did have a huge influx of benefit dependants in the 80s and 90s when London offered them transfers to here because the council blocks were getting demolished and re build.

    Unfortunatly lack of employment and training opportunities = chav breading ground.

    There is hope, with developments in the town, I.e. University and Jerwood gallery and improving schools there is hope that Sunny Hastings will find it’s way out of this current cultural crisis.

    When is a chav not a chav? When it figures out there is more to life than benefits and decides to get off it’s lazy ass and improve on its benefit dependant families lazy boring history.

    Take away their play stations and knock off goods, take away benefits for people who don’t look for work, take away cheep alcohol and big brother off the TV, take away Asda, take away benson and hedges fags and super kings then maybe, just maybe there is hope.

  • Southerner_in_Manc

    You should be grateful for the town you have, I used to live in Hastings until I moved to Manchester.

    All i can say is, Hastings… you think you have problems!!!!!!

  • Chav_Butcher

    AMEN to that u speek the truth, i almost got the crap beaten out of me by a chav n now i wana burn every 1 of em

  • surfer

    u culdnt b more correct Im from hastings and in da local paper we get all the visitors from other parts of the country and other countries complaining about the state of our town and that its packed with chavs! One headline read “No hope for such a dump of a town packed full of chavs” some places are really nice where there isnt a chav in sight but like u sed owtside mc donalds all u can see are chavs