Posted by & filed under North West.

You’ve read the articles on the towns in the Wigan area, Leigh, Lowton, Hindley, etc. Now it’s time to hear about the one, the only… Golborne. And yes, I live there. Where to start? Well, Golborne is a small town on the outskirts of Wigan (though for some f**ked up reason has a Warrington poscode – ew, Warrington). And, you guessed it, Golborne is full of chavs. Now, Golborne isn’t very big, maybe a square mile of so, but from the number of chavs I see hanging around on a Friday night, you’d think there’s enough of them to populate a whole city.

The main chav hangouts of Golborne are ‘the town centre square’ and the local Asda supermarket. Now, these two locations are on opposite sides of the town, so basically you’re likely to run into a ‘crew’ of chavs anywhere in Golborne. Guess what they wear? That’s right – tracksuits. Who in the blue hell told them tracksuits look good? They were lying. And girls, there’s foundation and then there’s looking like you’ve been tango’d. Wash your faces. And if you insist on wearing huge tacky jewellery, at least make it authentic, oui? Ah, and let’s not forget the ever-so-fashionable tucking our ‘trackies’ into socks. Each to their own and all that jazz, but your ‘fashion sense’ hurts my eyes.

The chavs of Golborne are more commonly know as ‘scallies’ – which I believe originated from Liverpool (thus, we can blame scousers for the creation of chavs), but they’re all the same thing. Now, hating chavs because of their dress sense is surely not a good enough reason to do so. In short; if you couldn’t go out of the house without the risk of being victimised and attacked by a group of tracky-wearing youths, you’d hate chavs too. I hate to be stereotypical, but let’s face it, the majority of them are violent, and when not smoking, drinking or doing drugs, are finding people to ‘twat’. ‘Well ‘ard’ – as they say.

Onto the local ‘comp’ – Golborne High School, where most of the chavs of Golborne go (well, when they’re not ‘wagging’ it). What can I say, the exam results prove that chavs aren’t only violent and anti-social, but they’re also retarded. Of course, not every chav of Golborne attends ‘Comp’, several of them go to ‘Lowton High School’ in our neighbouring town, but that’s normally ’cause they’ve gotten expelled from Golborne High.

Oh, and how could I forget ‘the bonk’? I won’t go into an explanation of what it is, but take my advice: don’t go there unless you have a deathwish.

Hmm, all this talk of Golborne is making me feel ill, I think I’ll round it off with this:

Rid the world of filth/STIs/skanks/dirt/[INSERT WORD HERE] : throw bricks at a chav today :).

One last thing; if for some retarded reason the person reading this is a chav and wishes to comment on my words of wisdom, try it and I’ll rip you like hell. Whatcha gonna do ‘twat’ me? Yeah, k. Go die.

  • Euan.

    Golborne Village Committee are working hard to make Golborne a better area to live. The Big Lunch in the summer was just a start. . . .
    Money has already been raised towards a skate board park for the area and lots of other activities are planned. . . . Watch this space……How about we all do our bit and take a pride in making Golborne the community we all want.

  • stereotypers are dicks

    Omg, you’re Such a stereotype, Not all chavs smoke weed, drink or do anything else you say, How audacious is for you to say all of that, stereotypical prick.

  • Golrobne girl

    I live in Golborne myself and seriously it is the worst place I’ve ever lived. Someone stolen two old bikes I had on my back yard and once I was coming from Lidl with too many bags so I left one out as I went to put the bags inside, someone came and stolen my Lidl bag! How rough does someone have to be to steal a bag of goodies from Lidl? Honestly..

  • #6

    Looks like a chav or two has left comments. You can tell as the grammar and syntax are all wrong. They will not know what I am talking about – Bum-tish!!!! I say gas them all. Even the decent ones. Euthanasia by association!
    Only found this site as a Googlewhack. Try ‘Ye Olde Golborner’