Living in Glenrothes, Fife
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Scotland

Glenrothes is supposedly one of the main towns in Fife, but it is difficult to figure out why! The best tag that can be given to it is “Greyrothes” as the town is so exceedingly dull that to visit the place for any reason is sheer grating torture. The population of Glenrothes seems to consist mostly of people who have either given up on life, given up on being normal human beings, have opened up their legs and now come replete with multiple little greeting faced s***ebags, or people whose idea of dealing with reality is to infuse themselves with a variety of illicit substances and abandon said reality on a whim to its own cruel devices and substitute it with a bizarre one of their own.

Not to mention the people whose entire linguistic repertoire mostly involves copious use of various swear words, so much so that the English language in Glenrothes has devolved into a ghastly form where aforementioned swear words are considered effective grammar and punctuation. These sort of people can be best described as night-dwellers, aka the living dead, except that they venture outside during the daytime.

The local shopping centre can be best described as a lengthy and often guttural exercise in testing your self-restraint, as you painfully realise that no matter how bad your hometown may be, Glenrothes town centre might be considered as a open air mental asylum at best, and at worst, as a social experiment gone woefully wrong. Only time will tell as to whether the town can lift out itself out of the mire that has descended upon it, but at the time of writing this, the prospects are definitely bleak. Many of the shop units are empty, as is the stylings everywhere else, but what is here, is only worth visiting if you are truly needing something.

Parking in the town centre can no longer truly file itself under the definition of this word, as nowadays it is a byword for the oft-uttered phrase “I’m alright mate, bugger everyone else!” If Mr or Mrs Glenrothes driver deems it so worthy, parking or (more accurately) abandoning their vehicles mostly involves dumping it at odd angles or jumping out in front of other drivers and snatching the last space.

No-one believes in the concept of common courtesy around here, it appears to be an archaic concept, along with the correct use of lanes on the road and indicators, which have in their entirety been consigned to the smoky murk of history, and must be considered optional extras (which haven’t been specified) on modern vehicles in Glenrothes.

The town also has a multitude of roundabouts, to which drivers blindside the correct lanes and adopt a usage of their own, along with a disgusting lack of peripheral awareness to the presence of other drivers around them, not for Glenrothes is the usage of the Highway Code. The road signs are apparently not law around here, and they seem to be invisible, as if someone has draped multiple copies of Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak over each and every one of them.

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Some of the young mothers and their little high-decibel emitting brats are pretty much reason enough to avoid the town centre, as to be honest these little unfortunate genetic misadventures have a b****y awful penchant for bursting into tears and squealing at high volumes for the most stupid of reasons. Effective parenting is not evident in these young mothers, who would rather utter a long string of obscenities at said mutants, or be surgically attached to their b****y smartphones, than give their little hobbit-b******s any of their attention. The more important priorities of getting their latest fix of bargain basement booze or tanked up on their latest dosage of black market narcotics take centre-stage here. Glenrothes seems to be one of the dole capitals of Fife, however it is not the fault of everyone else that there are so many unwanted little mutants littering the streets, but sadly everyone else must endure the disgusting offspring of people for whom sexual abstinence is a forgotten concept.

A lot of the old people who are bussed in from the surrounding localities in Fife either seem to have forgotten that there are better places to visit, not forgetting that they seem to have no awareness of their immediate surroundings and will happily shuffle George A. Romero zombie style around the town centre, holding up everyone else around them. Stopping at random points without any warning is a curse that seems to blight these people, and if their utterly banal patter doesn’t make you scream inside, then their beige-hued clothing and muffin-style hairdos surely will.

The local supermarkets are in and of themselves OK, but the local people who visit them seem to have forgotten social etiquette in its entirety. Come lunchtime when the teenage time-bandit-plook-carriers visit the supermarkets, there is an education to be had on the topic of stringing swear words into harsh sounding verbal diarrhoea. Not to mention the added bonus of discovering just how sexually-frustrated and without class some of the teenage boys in Glenrothes truly are. The teenage girls fare little better, they tend to gravitate towards acquiring cheap cigarettes and also have a disturbing amount of disregard for themselves and the English language.

Some of the adults are as equally bad, being gaunt-fauced bottom-dwellers whose sole existence seems to be to blot out how utterly dire their lives are, not withstanding how dull it is to actually be in Glenrothes. Excessive amounts of cigarettes, drugs and alcohol are purchased every week in the town, it may not be as dire as Trainspotting yet, but given a few years it may just achieve this level, goodness knows it’s on the right trajectory!

The best advice to people would be to give Glenrothes a wide berth unless it is absolutely necessary to visit, as there is little to no chance of re-animating this slow-shuffling corpse of a town. Society’s ills are alive and well in Glenrothes, it is entirely your choice whether you wish to be an active participant or not.

  • Zoe Hastie

    As much as there are some things I agree with, most of this article is pessimisstic dribble from someone who failed to visit here long enough to see that not everyone who lives in this hellhole are pathetic wastes of air.
    The entire creative arts scene in Glenrothes is something I’m very proud of, for example. We create great poets, musicians, actors and actresses, artists, and so on and so forth.
    I mean… look at me! Born and bred in Glenrothes, yet at 17 I have an iq of 150 – which could possibly be due to high-fuctioning Autism… but STILL! I’m not trash. I’m certainly trying not to be, anyway. And there’s many more where that came from!
    Watch out for the new generations coming from Glenrothes, we’re surprisingly decent people.